Decoding Suicides in students preparing for competitive exams and higher education:Causes and Solutions

The recent spate of suicides by students in Kota, Rajasthan, has sent shockwaves across the country and ignited a debate on why this is happening. A closer look at the situation reveals that the students are under tremendous pressure to perform, while they are unable to cope with the expectations of their families and the society at large. It is important to understand the underlying causes of these suicides and to put in place measures to ensure that such tragedies do not recur in the future. We need to come up with strategies that will help students to cope better with their academic and personal challenges and to ensure that their mental health is taken care of. This article will take an in-depth look at the causes of the Kota suicides and suggest possible solutions.

Some Facts about the  three suicides  in Kota recently

There were two students from Bihar, ages 17 and 18, living near each other in a PG and attending the same coaching classes. Both were studying for different entrance exams, one for medical and the other for IIT. The two students kept in close contact with their families, talking to them and their parents daily. The night before their death, the two students had met, and both were found to have died from hanging. Neither of them was doing well in their exams or attending classes. A third student from Madhya Pradesh studying for NEET consumed poison after having a conversation with their parents and eating his dinner.

Causes of suicides among students studying in Kota coaching classes

The recent spate of suicides in Kota, Rajasthan, has put the spotlight on the mental health of students. Many parents and students have raised concerns about the level of stress faced by students and the general lack of assistance for students dealing with mental health issues. The media has also speculated about the academic pressure faced by students and the high fees charged by private coaching institutions. This article takes a closer look at the possible causes of the Kota suicides and suggests possible solutions to address them. 

a. Academic pressure

Students often feel that they are not able to cope with the academic pressure and the expectations that are on them. They feel that they need to perform well in their examinations and often feel that they are not able to achieve this. This can lead to a sense of failure and frustration, and put pressure on the students to improve their performance. People also often compare their performance with others and may expect others to perform poorly and be judgmental about other’s academic performance. This can also put pressure on students and make them feel as though they are not able to live up to their own expectations or the expectations of others. Students may also be sensitive to social judgment about their performance. They may feel that their classmates and others in the society may judge them for performing poorly and expect them to perform better in their next examination. This may put pressure on students and make them feel that they have to live up to the expectations of others and perform better.

b. Financial constraints

Parents often have to take loans and take money from their relatives and friends to be able to afford the tutoring fees in Kota. They are also expected to bear the expenses related to their travel and food. This may put students under a lot of stress and add to their problems of academic performance.Some students may have to travel to Kota from other parts of the country, leaving their homes and their parents behind. This can add to their feelings of stress and anxiety, and make them feel a lack of support from their parents. As a result of the removal of parental supervision, students are more left alone. Living in close quarters with other similarly-placed students who are in a cutthroat competition with one another academically is a recipe for disaster. They are struggling emotionally and are looking for support from others, but all they can find are rivals.

Coaching Classes like these are like psychological pressure cookers just waiting to blow.

c. Lack of emotional support

Involvement of Mirror Imaging in 2 Student Deaths in Bihar. One got depressed, while the other shared his reactions and feelings. The already heavy depression was amplified, and so were the ramifications of any terrible decisions made. To the contrary, they were mutually reinforcing each other's destructive behavior rather than pulling them out of the despair.

Many Kota students feel that they have no one to turn to in their moments of crisis. They may feel that they are too ashamed to share their feelings with their parents and may have difficulty in sharing their feelings with their friends and relatives. This can increase their feelings of isolation and make them more prone to suicide. 

Sometimes, students will place unreasonable expectations on themselves and then be harsh on them when they fall short of those benchmarks.

Some students are more sociable than others and, as a result, have a greater need for regular social interaction; however, due to intense competition and demanding time commitments, these students often find themselves isolated.

Students were excessively hard on themselves for not performing well in class and could not accept failure as an option.

In addition, their parents' negative comments reinforced their sense of doom, so they couldn't think about anything but the exam.

d. Warning signs of suicide

Altered conduct: Both became absentee due to stress and depression brought on by the intensity of the competition. They were attempting to escape confrontation with their classmates by running away.Withdrawal is the primary symptom of depression,as a result, we had fewer interactions with other people.When combined with the other friend's already-present depression, this was a recipe for disaster.

Impact of suicides on society

The media reports of suicides in Kota have led to people questioning whether coaching centres are in any way responsible for the tragic deaths. Some parents have also expressed concerns about the high fees that these coaching centres charge, as well as the general pressure that their children face to perform in their examinations. There have also been reports that coaching centres may have taken advantage of the desperation of students by asking them to pay extra money and to take loans to pay the tutoring fees. While the reasons for the Kota suicides may be different from person to person, the fact that this is happening in a significant number of cases cannot be denied. Therefore, it is important for the authorities to understand the underlying causes of these suicides and to put in place measures to ensure that such tragedies do not recur in the future.

Solutions to reduce suicides among students

One way to reduce the number of suicides among students in Kota is to improve the learning environment. This can be done by reducing the number of students in a class, providing adequate space for students to think and reflect, and allowing students to take periodic breaks from their studies. It is important that parents and teachers be more aware of the signs of mental health issues and help students manage their stress better. Mental health issues affect a person’s ability to think clearly and make decisions, and can develop into a serious condition if left untreated. Mental health awareness programmes can be conducted regularly  in coaching classes to help students become more aware of mental health issues, know how to deal with them and seek professional help if needed. 

Message for Parents 

If your child is residing at a hostel, it is imperative that you keep a close eye on them and pay frequent visits. Students' capabilities must be recognised and respected, and they must not be pushed beyond their limits. If a student is struggling academically, parents should avoid making any disparaging comments to them. Pay more attention to the steps taken to prepare for the exam and reward that instead of the total result. Rather than viewing failures negatively, try viewing them as learning opportunities. It is important to integrate mindfulness training into their routine study routine.

In case your planned career path doesn't work out, know that there is always another option that will not always lead to a worse future.

Bettering life with courage

 You can begin to improve your life as soon as you have a sense of courage. Constructing bravery will enable you to take risks that would otherwise be out of your comfort zone and lead to a brighter future. To overcome fear, you must first have the courage to do it. Bravery is the act of recognising that you have fears but being willing to figure out how to overcome them and not allowing them to control  your life. It's okay to have your anxieties at  appropriate moments. 

The more courageous you become, the more you'll be able to direct your own life. You'll get the ability to graciously accept both punishment and reward. Courageous people are often compelled to accept blame and responsibility for their actions, while also evaluating their own behaviours and using what they've learned to improve their future. When new chances present themselves, brave people will seize them rather than remain on the sidelines. In contrast, a courageous person will take a step back and examine his or her mistakes with equanimity.

Relaxation comes naturally to someone who wants to improve their situation. Even if their plans go awry, this person will remain calm. Individuals will find something else to occupy their time if it rains the next day and still be glad to join our trip.

You must learn to put your trust in yourself if you hope to achieve success and happiness in your life. When you have faith in yourself, you have the ability to have faith in others. It's unfortunate that trust is hard to come by, but when you put your faith in yourself, you can't blame anyone else when things go wrong.

Using your creative and critical thinking skills is an essential part of improving your life. Success begins with the ability to generate new ideas. Many possibilities are available to you in this world, but finding them requires you to dig deep into your own personal resources.

We all have those moments when we're a little uncomfortable. This is, in reality, a common occurrence. Do you have the courage to face your annoyances? You can be disoriented during an interview. Are you ready to put up with this discomfort and find a way to wow the interviewer with a fantastic speech? Alternatively, are you willing to let negative energy cost you the job?

The secret to happiness is acceptance. In order to live a happier and better life, you must be able to accept all of life's good and terrible moments. However, if you are unable to accept this, you should re-read this information.

Acceptance for personal growth

 How well are you at accepting your control over your circumstances, as well as your inability to control them? 

Are you able to cope with the constant flux of your life?

You can take control of your life when you can accept everything, including yourself and other people. In charge, it's easier to recognize how you can improve your own life. You'll find who you are when you learn to accept yourself as you are.

People around the world feel that when we act the same way at all times, we've established our identity. That's completely out of line with current events! Many good and bad influences have infiltrated our minds and bodies to the point where we now experience all of the above. In order for our personality to reflect these changes, we have to feel something new on a daily basis.

We've become numb to the horrors of the world around us.  Everyone's entitled to their own opinions, yet we must all admit that we have passed judgement on someone at some point. Changing our own conduct and mindset can have a positive impact on the people around us. A part of learning and acceptance is this. You can travel the world by becoming your own influence and letting other influences bring bad luck into the life of another individual.

You'll want to laugh more once you've accepted reality. You'll notice the humour in someone's conduct if they're making you nuts, for example. If you make a mistake and feed into their naivete, you might see the humour in it. You'll feel better about yourself if you can see the humour in everything. In order to improve yourself, you may inspire others to follow suit. It's been shown that actions speak louder than words when it comes to inspiring someone to make a difference.

You'll develop a new hunger for self-improvement as you mature, and that hunger will lead you to new discoveries. As your health improves, you'll realise that you need to exercise, eat healthily, and spend time with people who inspire you. You'll be motivated to work hard to achieve your goals as soon as you get a taste of this hunger.

Five attempted suicides in five days in a school! What next?

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               We were waiting with our team in the lobby for a principal and teachers meet to discuss the importance of emotional quotient in today’s children’s life. Since it was a famous school of Mumbai with a lot of students, mild chaos was always expected. We saw an anxious crowd of mothers weeping outside the principal’s office. Not able to understand what was going on and the intention not to interfere in the school activities, we continued our scheduled meeting. As we came out after the meeting we saw a mother weeping profusely outside the office. We were simply overwhelmed on seeing her state .So, we went up to the mother and offered her a glass of water and told her to calm down .

        The lady narrated that she was  the parent of a ten standard student of the same school who was suspended by the school. Her son had attempted a suicide along with four of his friends in the school bathroom. They had used a sharpener blade and were caught by other friends on seeing the marks on their hand. It all started when a teacher humiliated a boy in the class for some trivial issue. The boy attempted a suicide and was suspended by the school authorities .

          After a couple of days the other  four kids followed the same. The mother couldn’t believe that her son could have attempted such a dreadful thing. She was devastated .Although the principal along with their team of psychologist were attempting to solve the issue. We were discussing emotional intelligence with them and here we find a group of children behaving so irrationally .Soon the father came  with a puzzled look on his face. We can never forget the helpless face of the mother and the father and the questions they were asking. “Where did I go wrong, she was asking us? What if he was successful in doing what he wanted? How to deal with him when I couldn’t understand why he did this”. They told us not to reveal the identity as that would spoil their child’s future. Hence I am not naming the school but only trying to highlight the problem. This might be happening in many schools which we do not know but dealing with the situation seems to be a better option for school rather than introducing regular interventions to prevent this catastrophe.

       This anxiety will be seen in most of the parents including me if we were in their place. Dealing with a child attempting suicide  and  helping them to overcome emotional problems in the wake of an emotional turbulence is a considerable task for parents, teachers, and mental health professionals.

When family members become anxious and frightened, a child's fear is magnified. When possible, adults need to deal with the situation in a way that will help children to manage their impulses. Adults need to support each other so that they can be emotionally available for their children. When they cope well under extremely difficult conditions, there is a good chance the children will make a positive adjustment. Support for these children is necessary to avoid long-term emotional harm. They need to know that their fears are normal.

Warning signs parents need to look out for depression in a child

•    Kids having intense emotions and being unwilling to discuss them with their family.
• Kids having reduced appetite and sleep disturbances.
• Kids experiencing flashbacks or nightmares.
•    Physical problems such as rashes, digestion problems, asthma or weight gain or loss.
•    Frequent headaches.
•      Fear of leaving home.
•      Feeling guilty for not doing more.
•       Withdrawing and losing interest in school and/or peer interactions.
•       Avoiding school and academic work.
•      Having a decreased energy level.
•     Feeling indifferent, agitated, hopeless and/or depressed.
•      Having suicidal thoughts.
•      Rebelling against rules.
•     Exhibiting risk taking behaviors

How can parents Intervene?

•     Help them feel in control by having them make some decisions.
•   Reassure them that they did all they could at the time.
•    Foster participation in social activities and/or athletics with peers.
•     Provide extra attention and comforting.
•    Provide a routine but be flexible.
•    Relax expectations for a time.
•   Encourage participation in rebuilding efforts.
•    Take time to prepare yourself emotionally, especially if it is affecting you personally.
•    Let children know that it is normal to feel upset and fearful after being exposed to an incident like this.
•  Provide an opportunity for children who want to talk about the event to express their thoughts and feelings.
•  Respect the right of children to avoid any discussion.
•   Avoid repeated dialogue concerning the event that may be disturbing to some children.
•   Answer their questions with honesty, yet be brief using words that children easily understand.
•  Speak in hopeful terms.
• Understand that some of these children may be extremely angry, withdrawn or sad.
•   Realize that it will take time for the students to adjust.
•    If deemed appropriate share stories that demonstrate resiliency and that have resulted in a return to a “new normal.
•  Offer opportunities for children to draw pictures of their choosing and perhaps pictures that represent their future hopes.

        Apart from counselors, the schools and educators can introduce interventions to develop the resilience and emotional quotient of children who are exposed to various unwanted situations so they are able to deal with them in a rational way. Preventing a situation should be the aim but reacting to a Disaster has become a norm. Schools and education need to change the narrative so we can have a more resilient and empathetic generation

        The alarming rise in attempted suicides makes it all the more necessary that parents reach out to the children and help them control the raging emotions and impulsive behavior which can harm them. One of the research proves that 70 percent of people committing suicide in the adult life have attempted suicide in their childhood. My vision and my dream  is that we can introduce socio emotional interventions into the school and college curriculum like Cognitive based Mindfulness and prevent these unfortunate incidents and have a more happy world.
Along with growth of Artificial intelligence we are able to grow the emotional intelligence for our future generation. 

Why be mindful

In a forest, a pregnant deer is about to give birth.

She finds a remote grass field near a strong-flowing river.

This seems a safe place.

Suddenly labour pains begin.

At the same moment, dark clouds gather around above & lightning starts a forest fire.

She looks to her left & sees a hunter with his bow extended pointing at her.

To her right, she spots a hungry lion approaching her.

What can the pregnant deer do?

She is in labour!

What will happen?

Will the deer survive?

Will she give birth to a fawn?

Will the fawn survive?

Or will everything be burnt by the forest fire?

Will she perish to the hunters’ arrow?

Will she die a horrible death at the hands of the hungry lion approaching her?

She is constrained by the fire on the one side & the flowing river on the other & boxed in by her natural predators.

What does she do?

She focuses on giving birth to a new life.

The sequence of events that follows are:

- Lightning strikes & blinds the hunter.

- He releases the arrow which zips past the deer & strikes the hungry lion.

- It starts to rain heavily, & the forest fire is slowly doused by the rain.

- The deer gives birth to a healthy fawn.

In our life / business too, there are moments of choice when we are confronted on αll sides with negative thoughts and possibilities.

Some thoughts are so powerful that they overcome us & overwhelm us.

Maybe we can learn from the deer.

The priority of the deer, in that given moment, was simply to give birth to a baby.

The rest was not in her hands & any action or reaction that changed her focus would have likely resulted in death or disaster.

Ask yourself,

Where is your focus?

Focus should always remain on being in the present moment... Be mindful

4 Monks teaching the secret to success

*The Silent Retreat*

Four monks decided to meditate silently without speaking for two weeks. They began with enthusiasm and no one said a word the whole day. By nightfall of the first day, the candle began to flicker and then went out.

The first monk blurted out, "Oh, no! The candle is out."

The second monk said, "Hey! We are not supposed to speak!"

The third monk said in an irritated voice, "What is this? Why did you two break the silence?"

The fourth monk smiled and said, "Wow! I'm the only one who hasn't spoken."

~~~

Reflections:

Each monk broke the silence for a different reason, each of which is a common stumbling block in our inner journey. The first monk got distracted by one aspect of his experience (the candle) and forgot what was more important - *the practice of witnessing without reacting.* The second monk was more worried about others following the rules than in actually practicing himself. The third monk let his anger towards the first two monks affect him. And the fourth monk lost his way because of pride.

Why did the fourth monk speak at all? He could have simply maintained his silence and he would have been successful in his endeavor. But if he had, chances are, the other three might have continued to argue and not even noticed his silence. Some people are like this. Their motto is "If I'm doing something good, but no one notices, I might as well not be doing it at all." They believe that the reward is not in the effort, but in the recognition.

There is a beautiful quote, "It is the provence of knowledge to speak; it is the privilege of wisdom to listen." *As we learn to truly listen, witness and observe without impulsively reacting with distraction, judgement, anger and pride, then we understand the true meaning of silence.*

Mindfulness in Political Turmoils in Todays World as in Year 2017

          It was not a routine Sunday  for Ravi an engineer working in an esteemed corporate company. He had been preparing for this day since the last 3 months. This was the only time he was going to spend after a good long 17 years with his school friends.He was excited to meet them and share his highly successful journey of 17 years.It gives you ultimate satisfaction when you are appreciated by people who know you since the time you have learned how to tie shoe laces. It was also special since he had just cracked on  an impossible deal with a Japanese company after a real stressful 3 months.

As soon as he saw his mates, he got nostalgic of the times spend in the good old days.Each one spoke about their achievements, their analysis and their journeys in the last 17 years. Ravi just couldn't believe that he was actually reconnecting with those chaps and realized that he should have met sooner before.Anyways as they sat for lunch in the afternoon, cracking jokes about their teachers and principal,the conversation shifted to the an activist turned political leader "Maku" who was in the news recently.

 Most of his Friends started making fun of "Maku" and laughing at everything, his clothes, his speech to his personal life. It was very evident to Ravi that most of his Friends were supporting the  leader of the rival party. He felt an uneasiness and uncomfortable sensation in his heart but he decided to not to get into the conversation for his own mental peace. He was happy that the discussion was shifting back to girlfriends and the time they spent on college campus. Usually this an area where most of the middle age men get highly charged up discussing about the love life,their Ex and their breakups. 

One of his Friends suddenly  passed  a comment that "Maku" must be so lousy and impotent in his college days that he must have hired people to make his wife pregnant. This was the breaking point for Ravi. He could not control the explosion in his mind. He lost his mind and said something obnoxious to his friend about his personal life.Suddenly the mood in the room became very serious .What started as a friendly conversation became a ferocious argument between friends.
Ravi lost his mind and slapped the guy who had passed the comment. He could feel the anger in him growing more as others were hurling abuses at him. He picked up an ash tray and threw at them. It hit one of his Friends and he immediately lost his consciousness . Ravi couldn't believe what he had done. Cops were called and his friend was hospitalized. Ravi was convicted and found guilty and was sentenced to 6 months of imprisonment. People who knew him told that this was the first time Ravi had ever hit anyone , got in a quarrel oreven raised his voice.
          This has become a common scenario which we have been witnessing of late, not only on news channels but also in clubs and parks.Although not all issues end up with a brawl but definitely create distances in relationships ,all in the name of politics.It is really suprising how in the last  few years people have raging emotions for politicians and political parties where they forget their own personal relationship and come out with daggers if you dare speak something about a politician or at times even their policies.
            Let us try to understand why this kind of responses from the not so agressive people or people who werent so actively following politics like Ravi.Political parties and politicians were doing the same agressive and inflammatory campaigns in the past also but they failed to invoke such reactions from people.What has changed in todays world that has led to this kinda behaviour from people globally.
One of the reasons is the frustration because of the slowing economy leading  to unemployment and on the otherside there is growing greed  and competitiveness for more and more materialistic acquisitions.One thing we have  to accept that inspite of technological advances which were supposed to ease out peoples lives,it became counterproductive and has started creating more stress and indivisuals with charged up nervous systems. Everyone seems to me too obsessed to prove  a point and rather than accepting the present moment.They live most of the times either  in the past or the unseen future.
     These gives these politicians or parties the fodder to infuse in our minds and manipulate and evoke these unbelievable responses from people.Inflammatory speeches,personal attacks and absurd illogical reasoning seems to be the norm of the day.
Mind it!It is not the fault of the politician of the day.They are speaking what  people want.The ones who are winning are better connected to the peoples wishes and desires. The problem arises when we start judging the political leader or their rival.The negativity in any political campaigns is evident and people and their relationships get dragged into these mindless conversations.People come all out ,in their leaders defense and fight for them or criticise them for simply satisfying their ego.
Politicians are successful in creating a divide amongst the mass and make use of this divide to the fullest.They can easily bring in policies which suits  to their needs and advantage.People fight for people whom they have never met or have any direct experience but start judging them and at times hating or loving them to the core.When indivisual voices become group, then a mob ,it leads to bullying serving the purpose of any politician or governing head.
What actually is the matter of concern it affects the mind of people with negativity and seeps into their relationship.This nature of judging people on basis of half truth is not only dangerous but also harmful for any nation.
Mindfulness is living in the present moment.Extensive research has shown that it has a positive effect on prefrontal lobe of the brain and enhances its function.Prefrontal lobe  is responsible for the regulation  and control of  emotions  like anger,sadness irked by amydala which is the centre of emotions.In lay mans terms, mindfulness makes you smarter and gives you a moment to think before reacting to any given situation.Mindfulness has been used extensively in many fields ranging from medicine, education,corporate world  for its benefits.
Mindfulness makes you realise the folly of getting so overattached or involved with the manipulations by politicians and media at large.When you come in the present moment you realise what judgements you are making of the politician( pre or post elections) are based on the views presented  in the media or the rival which will fuel only negative sentiments.It makes you realise that any judgement is not based on one on one conversation or direct scrutiny of the work done by the politician.
Also the next question arises if the politician has not much of work to show ,it becomes even more easier for the rival to manipulate your views about him.Practicising mindfulness also makes you realise that in a democracy what matters is the number supporting any views by the politician whether you like them or not.Anyone practising mindfulness knows views that are forced or manipulated do not last for long and has a limited life. People want to live in harmony  with each other irrespective of their desire to suceed at large.
           So being mindful of the moment makes the person respect as well as form an opinion non judgementally about people who contradict them in their self interest.Even if there is disagreement as it happens many a times,there is still an options to protest in democracy without actually having to evoke emotions of dissapointment,anger or frustration.Mindfulness practice makes it easier for you to come at terms with the turmoils of the changing political scenarios and forming opinions which are not influenced or forced by anyone.Also it gives the person a sacred pause where he decides how to react to a given situation which may not be agreeable to him.His reactions takes into consideration about the present which involves the people whom he is talking to and what relationship they are sharing.For instance he can think about protesting or writing blogs rather than fighting with people verbally or venting out the dissapointment.Overall practicing mindfulness makes you a bit selfish about mantaining the homeostasis(calmness) in your mind inspite of the political turmoils.
A mindful person knows that in democracy there may be many leaders good  or bad but the power ultimately rests with the people so why waste time in reacting !
(Disclaimer:the author does not have any affiliations to any political party and gives as neutral position as possible)

Why mindfulness is necessary for Indian Children

Mindfulness is the talking point all over the world in the last few years. It's benefits to all age groups have been thoroughly researched since last 30 years . probably this is the reason big corporates companies like Google, Twitter, Intel, Aetna, Target  are training their employees. Most of the universities and schools globally have introduced mindfulness programs mainly Oxford University, Stanford University etc. What started as a stress Clinic by John Korbat Zin has become a revolution in today's fast moving world. The results in children have taken the world by surprise specially in remarkable increase in focus and concentration.
        "Rahul behave yourself. Is this the way you talk to your friends" or "You are not concentrating on your studies, that is the reason you get less marks".These are the most common discussion in most of the households in major metro cities . Today the most talked about topic in India is Digitalisation and Globalization. India is talking about 4g network and high speed internet. Internet was first accessible only on the computer, then on laptop and going further on tablet. Today is the world where we are talking about high end smart phones with powerful processors.
           So a lot information is continuously fed in our mind from the print as well as social media. This information is also available to young children who are at their developmental stage. In a study it  has shown that kids playing games on phone have developed stronger analytical skills but the socioemotional learning suffers a great deal. This is why see more aggressive behavior by most of the kids.
            Also the distraction from most of the learning activities is a common problem in most of the school going kids. Morality and religion have a strong foundation in India and is the only way parents can make their kids realize their mistakes. The high exposure to the media can at times make it difficult for today's generation to understand this. Most of the parents and teachers will agree the conventional disciplining  doesn't work with most of the kids now days.
        The basic neuroscience behind mindfulness has been extensively researched and it is found the prefrontal lobe in the brain in human child actually develops by the age of 18-20 years. This prefrontal lobe is the one responsible for regulation of our thoughts. So in school going children the emotional instability like anger, ADHD and impulsive behaviour are unchecked, hence at times children do not listen to the elders. Humans are the only mammals who have to depend on the guidance of the elders for such a long time.So there is a need to intervene and impart skills to the kids specially to deal with behavioral issues and skills of focus, Concentration, conflict resolution etc .
Mindfulness is being aware of what is happening now. Another way to describe it is to  consciously bring our attention to the present moment .It can be practiced anywhere unlike meditation where you need a particular place and posture. It can also be described as "a skill beyond meditation" . Since mindfulness is secular, it does not interfere with anyone's religious beliefs. Also basic morality for man kind like gratitude, compassion and empathy  should be taught to modern day children.
There has been extensive research done  all over the world on its effect on young minds. The results beyond doubt has showed marked improvement in focus, Concentration, conflict resolution and emotional stability in all age groups. Most remarkable findings are improvement in their self esteem and decision making abilities.
Kids are less insecure and are more aware of their emotions.
Mindfulness gives them the freedom of choice to refuse or accept the situation which is best suited to them.Every child deserves the choice to choose his reaction before any conflict so he can respond with confidence.
   

'Ego' My oldest friend vs Mindfulness

​We all believe that when we were born,  we were born without any self ego. Then as we grew up this 'ego' named friend came with us. It would stay with us when we were happy, when we got good grades but we needed it the most in our failures .It would really defend us from all the negativity and criticism. It was one of the oldest and best friend which the world gifted us. 

It would be interesting to know how ego has developed as we grew up. Ego has subconsciously being used by one and  all at times to discipline us and some times to encourage us to overcome our limitations  . "Why are you crying like a girl, boys don't cry"or" "You are now 10 years old you should not behave like a child".Many times our teachers  have told us you you need to do better  than the other class  or batch or this class is the worst class. So we have learnt to live with this ego which helped us to overcome many of our difficulties and challenges as we grew up. We never realized how much we let it rule our lives. 

Mindfulness is being aware of what is happening now. Another way to describe it is to  consciously bring our attention to the present moment. Our friend ego also has a major role to play when we strive to be mindful. 

Let's see how.... Arjuna used to meditate everyday for 30 mins. Yesterday he had a terrible fight with his wife and he was very upset. He got up in the morning  and tried to meditate but he was too disturbed. He had recently gone for MBSR retreat and he decided to be mindful about his negative emotions. But he was finding it extremely hard as he was worried how his wife will react when he comes back home? Whether she will forgive him for coming late and forgetting her birthday.

Throughout the day Arjuna was surprised how hard he was finding it to calm down and focus on his work. He felt whatever he learnt in the last 2 months was not working . He tried to be aware of the raging mind but he was not able to focus his attention. May be he had not learnt it properly. He was extremely disappointed and depressed and this simply added on to his problems.  

 This is one of the situation people come across during  the practice of mindfulness. There are moments we feel that  we are "failing" or unhappy that we are unable to be mindful. This  is being very hard on our self  and  being judgmental about our practice.

The only thing active when we judge ourself specially when we are emotionally disturbed or under stress is the "Ego" which makes us Judgemental about the success or failure of our practice. Everyone who practices mindfulness have had difficulty in getting back the 'rhythm' and it is  quite normal.We all strive to be in rhythm most the times in the day but being out of rhythm is also a part of being mindful 

Mindfulness is about being at ease with all the positive and negative emotions.Accepting that there are many situations and events not in our control and they are bound to create enough turmoil in our mind. This will make our mind  go out of rhythm. It is the nature of the mind to wander and be mindless. 

Say for instance in a fit of rage, We may have said something nasty to a friend. Rather than being angry or upset about why we said those words and failed to be mindful of the  aggression,it is more important to be compassionate to our mind which had to go through this turmoil.Of course the next thing would be to correct what we did wrong. But  if we judge our self,  which is the normal tendency it will make it more difficult for us to realize our mistake and be mindful about the raging emotions in our mind. 

We need to be more compassionate to our self and our mind which has to go through this every day.Mindfulness without self-compassion is incomplete.This  will make it easier for us to get our focus back and be mindful with our dear friend "Ego".