#Metoo-psychological Women's victory over their greatest fears!

When men in high places lose their jobs due to courageous women coming forward to share their horrible experiences in public, it's easy to forget how serious the problem of sexual assault has become in today's society. Such charges or behaviours are often dismissed by many men (and even some women) as "boys will be boys."

Sexual Assault: What Is It?

The crime of sexual assault is one of the most serious and devasting types of violent crime. As time passes, the sufferer is left with a lasting traumatic scar that no amount of time can repair or erase. It's time to quit making excuses for these dishonourable (mostly male) criminals in our culture and society..

Sexual assault (and its twin, sexual abuse) is not about the abuser performing a sex act on the victim.

As a matter of fact, it's all about who has more power: the abuser or victim. In most cases, the perpetrators of these crimes are men who abuse women, and most victims are aware of their abuser. However, sexual assault is commonly defined as short-term or rare, but for the victim, these distinctions are irrelevant.

Sadly, we are seeing an increasing number of incidences of sexual assault in India.

Every fifth woman has been raped at some time in her life, according to a recent survey (and one in 71 men). That figure climbs to one in four women on college campuses (and one in seven men). Over 90% of the time, it is done by a romantic partner or a friend of the person. Women account for 91 percent of rape and sexual assault and rape victims, while men account for nine percent.

Sexual assault is on the rise.

Sex abuse can come in various forms but all of them have one thing in common: unwanted sexual activity is a part of it. The victim may be forced to watch the perpetrator engage in a sexual action on their own, or inappropriately reveal their genitals, as part of that activity. There is no shame in utilising threats, violence, or taking advantage of a victim's position to acquire what they want from sexual abusers (such as an employee).

Those who commit acts of sexual assault enjoy taking advantage of the victim's inability to defend themselves. Alcohol or drugs can be used as a means of intoxicating victims in order to ensure that they are compliant. The victim is more likely to blame themselves or themselves for taking the drugs or alcohol, which reduces the likelihood of the victim reporting the crime to the authorities (although the administration of drugs is often non-consensual).

It is common for powerful, prominent men who participate in sexual assault to assume that they are entitled to both verbally harass and sexually abuse anyone at any time. They feel that their position of power—whether it comes from riches, family background, professional role, politics, or corporate leadership—doesn't apply to regular cultural and societal norms. For these males, "I'm owed this, and you can't do anything about it—who would believe you over me?" is a recurring theme.

Why Do Some Men Abuse Women Sexually?

There are a plethora of rationales and justifications offered by those who commit these atrocities. Victims justify their acts by claiming that the other person was causing them to engage in molestation, according to Jaydip Sarkar of Singapore's Institute of Mental Health. There were five ideas used to justify their prior actions, which Sarkar refers to as "cognitive distortion," by the offenders.

They believe that women are inherently different from me and therefore cannot be comprehended. Because of this, encounters with women will be confrontational and women will be deceitful about what they actually want. An example of a Cognitive Distortion may be "...she is dressed in tight pants and her cleavage is apparent. It's clear that she wants sex, and she'll let it if I have it with her, even if she tells me "no." Sarkar (2013, p. 3)

When it comes to men's sexual desires, women are continually available, but they may not be aware of it all of the time. If a woman is physically harmed during sexual activity, it is impossible for her to be harmed by sexual activity, which means she cannot be hurt by it. I can think of an example of this: "...when she looks furtively at me when I make filthy jokes, she is truly interested in me.... As a result, when she replies "no," she's just playing a joke on me to get me even more excited. Sarkar (2013, p. 3)

When a man is excited, he can't help but proceed to orgasm, and he can't control it. This cognitive distortion may present itself in the statement: "... I would become weak if my "dhat" (semen) runs out" (premature ejaculation while molestation or sexual harassment of a woman) in India, where the syndrome of "male sexual weakness" or dhat syndrome is common. Sarkar (2013, p. 3)

Women have a responsibility to meet the sexual wants of men, and they should do so at the drop of a hat. Such Cognitive Distortions of male entitlement, especially if the victim is lower status for any reason (socioeconomic, caste, etc.) can lead to marital rape in a society like India with severe gender-based inequities (recommended to be considered a crime in the Verma Commission report). Sarkar (2013, p. 3)

A dangerous world: People need to be on guard, but there is no safe haven in this hostile and menacing environment. Some examples are: I have been wronged in many ways, and so it is not evil for me to do harm to others." Sarkar (2013, p. 3)

Trauma inflicted can last a lifetime, and it is never-ending.

Victims of criminal sexual assault often have to suffer with the effects of the trauma for the rest of their lives. As a result of the assault, 81% of women (and 35% of men) will experience PTSD, anxiety, or a major depressive disorder.

For those who have been sexually assaulted, suicidal thoughts and attempts appear to be significantly elevated; in comparison to other disorders, sexual assault was related with the highest risk for suicidality" (Dworkin et al., 2017). OCD and bipolar disorder have also been linked to sexual assault victims, according to a comprehensive review of the literature on sexual assault.

It is rare for perpetrators to think about, much less care about, how their actions affect their victims. It's virtually always in the context of feeling the victim is solely to fault for getting oneself into a scenario with the perpetrator, which is how most people interpret it.

Victims of sexual assault are typically helped by psychotherapy sessions.

Because so many sexual assault victims blame themselves (and society too often does), the healing process can take a long time. A victim's cognitive distortions are typical, yet no one would ever want this to happen to their best friend, much less themselves. When it comes to healing from sexual assault, time is an important factor, but in most cases, time alone isn't enough for most people.

Is there a reason why so many victims of sexual assault don't go to the police?

By going over the incident with law enforcement authorities multiple times, victims often feel like they have been victimised again. When it comes to dealing with sexual assault reports in a caring and sensitive manner, not all of these people have the required training.

When a victim is questioned by law enforcement, they are almost always asked questions such, "What were you wearing at the time of the assault?" and, "Have you had anything to drink?"

What Is Society's Role in Sexual Assault Perpetrator?

People should not ask victims of sexual assault, "What were you wearing?" as a way of re-victimizing them. Inquiringly, "Did you overindulge?" How did you handle it? Because of this crime, it is important to teach criminals that people's limits and rights must always be respected at all times. "Are you sure he was aware of this?"

Sexual action is not consent if the participant does not provide their permission.

Violent acts are not acceptable just because a person is in a position of authority over another person. "Oh, that's just locker-room banter," or "They were only 18, what do they know?" are common explanations for poor behaviour by offenders. Instead, society and family members should emphasise the importance of dignity, respect, and morality, rather than making excuses for bad behaviour by perpetrators. Women aren't here to be oppressed or exploited in any way.

Helping Others & Getting Help

It is imperative that you get help if you are a sexual assault perpetrator right away. For the people you've hurt, your dysfunctional behaviour is likely to have caused them lasting harm that they will never be able to recover from. Therapists that specialise in working with sexual assault perpetrators can be found across the country. Proactively contacting someone today is a sign of strength.

If someone tells you that they've been the victim of a sexual assault, please listen to them without making assumptions about their situation. Offer unreserved emotional support and be a good listener. Then, if necessary, offer to assist them in obtaining the resources they need to get back on their feet. If they don't want to talk about the assault, then don't bring it up. Be supportive, but don't nag or indicate there is only one "correct" way to respond to the assault.

If you've been a victim, don't forget that assistance is available. Remember that sexual assault is not your fault if you have been a victim. Even if your own family or certain people in your life don't believe you, professionals and friends will.

Please, don't wait any longer to seek assistance.

References

1.     Dworkin, ER, Menon, SV, Bystrynski, J, Allen, NE. (2017). Sexual assault victimization and psychopathology: A review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 56, 65-81.

2.     Davis, KC, Neilson, EC, Wegner, R, Danube, CL. (2018). The intersection of men’s sexual violence perpetration and sexual risk behavior: A literature review. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 40, 83-90.

3.     https://www.theodysseyonline.com/psychology-behind-sexual-assult

4.      Malamuth, N. M., & Brown, L. M. (1994). Sexually aggressive men's perceptions of women's communications: Testing three explanations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67(4), 699-712. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.67.4.699

5.      Sarkar, J. (2013). Mental health assessment of rape offenders. Indian Journal of Psychiatry, 55(3), 235–243. http://doi.org/10.4103/0019-5545.117137

Unhappy People: The Things They Do to us and How to Deal with Them

We have all had come across an unhappy individual at some point in our lives who have stung us with their negative thoughts. Sometimes it simply creates havoc in our lives. Unsatisfied people are drawn to the sensible ones and I am sure every one of us has likely had (or have) at least one irritating person in our lives who have forced us into changing ourselves in endless attempts to please them – only to realize that it is an endless circle.

What makes them so toxic? Their past experiences, their judgmental attitude, their negative approach or simply their sadist nature. It is seen that most of these people are suffering from some psychological disorder which is undiagnosed and we are trying to understand them. It becomes all the more important to identify these individual so we can deal with them more maturely and not get driven into self-guilt.

Their strengths lie in their subtlety and the way they can make you believe so cunningly for every fault, ‘It’s not them, it’s me.’ They can make you question your ‘over-reactiveness’, your ‘oversensitivity’, your ‘tendency to misinterpret’. If in a relationship you’re the one who’s continually hurt or the one who is constantly changing your own behavior to avoid being hurt, then the probabilities are more than the problem is not you and it is not much you can do except not get drawn into the toxicities.

Like I said being able to pick up their harmful behavior is the first step to blunting their impact. You may not be able to change what they do, but you can surely change what you do with it, deal with that unhappy sulking individual and stop them from ruining away your mental peace and get away with it.

There are a number of things these people do to manipulate others and situations to their advantage. Here are 12 of them. Knowing them will alert you to avoid falling under the influence:

1.      They will love to keep you in a fix about what they really are.

They’ll be nice one day and the next day you’ll be actually guessing what you’ve done to upset them. Most of the time, there wouldn’t be anything obvious that could explain the change of attitude – you will get the gut feeling that something isn’t right. They might be irritable, unhappy, cold or cranky and when you ask them, if there’s something wrong, the answer will always be ‘nothing’ – but they’ll hint you just enough to make you realize that there’s something. The ‘just enough’ might either be a heaving sigh, a raised eyebrow, a cold shoulder. The moment this happens, you will find yourself making excuses for them or doing everything you can to please them. See why it works for them?

Stop trying to make them happy. Unhappy people have figured out a long time ago that most people will go out of their ways to keep the people, they care about happy. If your repeated attempts to please aren’t working or aren’t lasting for very long, maybe it’s time to stop. Leave it for a while and come back when the mood has shifted. You are not responsible for anybody else’s feelings. If you have unknowingly hurt someone, ask them, talk about it and if required, apologize. Under any circumstances, you shouldn’t have to guess and be gullible to this traumatizing experience.

    They’ll make you prove yourself to them.

They’ll regularly put you in a position where you have to choose between them and something else – and you’ll always feel obliged to choose them. At times just out of sympathy. Unhappy people will wait until you have committed, then they’ll unfold the drama.  ‘If you really cared about me you’d skip your exercise class and spend time with me.’  The problem with this is that enough will never be enough. Few things are fatal – unless it’s life or death, chances are it can wait.

 They love to manipulate.

If you have felt as though you’re the only one contributing to the relationship, you’re probably right. Unhappy people have a way of sending out the vibe/the signals that you owe them something. They also have strange ways to manipulate that you are responsible and you need to change even if the fault lies in them. This is very common in workplaces or relationships where the balance of power is an ever-changing phenomenon.. ‘I’ve left those reports for you’. I thought you’d appreciate the gesture and make use of the opportunity to learn your way around making the report. Remember it is a favor and I had to learn the hard way’ Or, ‘I’m having a get to gather tonight. Why don’t you bring dinner? For 10 people. It’ll give you an opportunity to show of favor cooking skills and make new contacts?’

Remember! You don’t owe anybody anything. If it doesn’t feel like a favor to you, then probably it’s not. 

They will never own their feelings.

Instead of owning up and speaking up about their own feelings, they’ll act as though the feelings are yours. It’s called dumping, as in dumping their feelings and thoughts onto you. For instance, someone who is irritated but won’t take responsibility for it might accuse you of being irritated with them. It might be as subtle as, ‘Are you okay with me around or Am I irritating you?’ or a bit more specific, ‘Why are you irritated me,’ or, ‘You’ve been in a foul mood all day.’

You’ll find yourself justifying and defending and often this will go around in circles – because it’s not about you. Bring clarity to your mind. What’s yours and what’s theirs. When you start feeling that you’re defending yourself too many times against lame accusations or questions that don’t fit, you might be being dumped on to.
Remember, You don’t have to explain, justify or defend yourself or deal with a misfired accusation.

They hate to and will never apologize. 

They’ll lie before they ever apologize, so there’s no point arguing. They’ll twist the story, change the way it happened and reframe it so convincingly that they’ll believe their own version.

People don’t have to apologize to be proven wrong. And you don’t need an apology to move forward. Just let go and move forward – without them. Never surrender your truth but don’t keep the argument going. There’s just no point. Some people want to be right more than they want to be happy and you have better things to do than to provide fodder for the right-fighters.

They’ll be there in a crisis but they’ll never ever share your joy.

They’ll find reasons your good news isn’t great news. The classics: About a promotion – ‘The money isn’t that great for the amount of hard work you’ll be doing.’ About a holiday at the beach – ‘Well it’s going to be very hot. Are you sure you want to go?’ About being made the best worker– ‘Well the Company is just trying to please you and I’m pretty sure they will exploit you.’ Get the idea? Don’t let them dampen your spirit or shrink you down to their size. You don’t need their approval anyway – or anyone else’s for that matter.

 They’ll leave a conversation unfinished – and then they’ll go offline or simply disappear.

They won’t pick up your call. They won’t answer texts or emails. And in between rounds of their voicemail message, you might find yourself playing the conversation or argument over and over in your head, guessing about the status of the relationship, wondering what you’ve done to upset them, or whether they’re dead, alive or just ignoring you – which can sometimes all feel the same.

Remember People who care about you won’t let you go on feeling rubbish without attempting to sort it out. That doesn’t mean you’ll sort it out of course, but at least they’ll try. Take it as a sign of their investment in the relationship if they leave you ‘out there’ for lengthy sessions.

8. They’ll use sweet words with a toxic tone.

The message might be innocent enough but the tone conveys so much more. Something like, ‘What did you do today?’ can mean different things depending on the way it’s said. It could mean anything from ‘So I bet you did nothing – as usual,’ to ‘I’m sure your day was better than mine. Mine was awful. Just awful. And you didn’t even notice enough to ask.’ When you question the tone, they’ll come back with, ‘All I said was what did you do today,’ which is true, kind of, not really.

They’ll bring unnecessary details into a conversation.

When you’re trying to resolve something important to you, unhappy people will bring in irrelevant detail from five arguments ago. The problem with this is that before you know it, you’re arguing about something you did six months ago, still defending yourself, rather than dealing with the issue at hand. Somehow, it just always seems to end up about what you’ve done to them. 

 They’ll point out the way you’re talking, rather than what you’re talking about.

You might be trying to resolve an issue or get clarification and before you know it, the conversation/ argument has moved away from the issue that was important to you and on to the manner in which you talked about it – whether there is any issue with your manner or not. You’ll find yourself defending your tone, your gestures, your choice of words or the way you belly moves when you breathe – it doesn’t even need to make sense. Meanwhile, your initial need is well gone on the pile of unfinished conversations that seems to grow bigger by the day.

Unhappy people exaggerate.

‘You always …’ ‘you never …’ It’s hard to defend yourself against this form of manipulation. Toxic people have a way of drawing on the one time you didn’t or the one time you did as evidence of your shortcomings. Don’t buy into the argument. You won’t win. And you don’t need to.

Unhappy people are judgemental.

We all get it wrong sometimes but unhappy people will make sure you know about it. They’ll judge you and take a swipe at your self-esteem suggesting that you’re inferior because you erred. We’re all allowed to get it wrong at many occasions in our day to day life, but until we’ve done something that harms them or affects them nobody has the right to stand in judgment.

Knowing the favorite signs for unhappy people will sharpen your radar, making the manipulations easier to spot and easier to name. More importantly, if you know the characteristic signs of the individual, you’ll have a better chance of catching yourself before you tie yourself in double knots trying to please them.

You need to lock it in your mind, some people can’t be pleased and they won’t be good for you – and many times that will have nothing to do with you. You can always say no to unnecessary craziness. Believe in yourself . Be confident and own up your mess, your bluffs and the things that make you shine. You don’t need anyone’s certificate but remember if someone is working hard to manipulate, it’s because probably because they need your approval. You don’t always have to give it but if you do, don’t let the cost be too high and get driven into it. If you are the unhappy dude, it’s time to realize these things don’t get you anywhere. They simply make yours and others life miserable. Happiness increase with sharing and so does unhappiness

Automation Of Thoughts in the World of Machines

We are evolving by every minute and the last decade has seen mind-blowing leap in technology, much beyond our imagination and will continue to do so.  

One of the reasons behind the newer inventions of our today’s world is algorithms. We can almost feel their presence—that somewhere far away, we’re interacting with a machine. Many users (approx. 60 percent), according to the best research, are completely unaware of its existence. But does it really matter to them? The answer is no. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have so many people glued to mobile phones.

Going deep into the effects of algorithm and the space it occupies in our lives today, try to imagine one of those earliest computers with its nervously blinking lights and long rows of dials. To tweak the algorithm, the engineers turn the knob, as they  continuously try to make small adjustments, here and there, so that the machine performs to their satisfaction. However, there was always something lacking.

But how do the engineers of today know which dial to twist and how much without actually being present all the time? There’s a whole discipline created in today’s world which was unheard when I was a kid, data science, to guide the writing and revision of algorithms. This makes a few individuals control the behavior and experience of thousands of people.

Although, we’re in the earliest days of this revolution, of course. But we can see where it’s heading.

Imagine, algorithms replicating the process of creativity, then there will be hardly any reason to nurture human creativity. Why would the next generation bother with the tortuous, inefficient process of writing or painting, if a machine can create something seemingly as good and in a painless flash?

The result being, we are having fewer people in manufacturing plants and warehouses now, even though their capacities and production rates are rising.

 Again in the near future, we will have lesser and lesser drivers on the road as “cars and trucks begin to drive themselves”.

And believe it or not, we will have lesser and lesser last mile delivery jobs as drones start to do them more efficiently and cheaply.

This has been a ‘hot potato’ in the news in the last couple of years as more and more people are worried and threatened at the thought that in a couple of decades, many jobs will be overtaken by machine, leaving 3/4th of the world’s population with no meaningful way to earn a living. Some call it “Artificial Intelligence”

But there is another angle and a deeper impact of the above automations which we are missing.

Should we bother about the automation of machines? Does it have any effect on our thought process?

I have already explained the empty space created in the brain from solving arithmetic problems to decision making which is being taken over by the machines. This has created more scope for automaton of thought which instead of utilizing the human brain's uniqueness and creativity goes into automation of thoughts.

Let me give you an example.

When I was a child, I would go to the library and look among hundreds of books to pick one that I would read for the day. But now, the moment I’m done reading one, I already have a recommendation (which is pretty good by the way) for what I ought to read next. This happens with books I read, the music I listen to, the clothes I buy, the  plays and movies I watch, the dates I go on, the food I order, the restaurants I visit,  the places I travel to, etc.

Since the early days of my life, I always had an excellent memory (probably still do). I would remember and recollect friend’s birthdays and phone numbers. I used to remember a lot of the things like the stories I read and could easily quote from books I read. Now most of them are automated and I do not need to trouble my mind anymore. All I need is an Internet connection.

When I was a kid, I used to be really good with arithmetic calculations (probably still am). I could multiply big numbers in a matter of seconds and could solve difficult math problems without writing down a thing. Now, all that has been automated and I don’t need it anymore. All I need is a computing device.

What jobs are best suited for us, who should be our friends, what food we should eat, whom we should date, what we should do on weekends, are all served up to us as recommendations by effective and highly sophisticated engines?

The result being, a lot of our thoughts and our choices have been automated. Well, you might be thinking you are still in control as to which of the recommendations you click on and watch. Think again!

A lot of analysis has gone into deciding what choices are presented in what contexts and what positions, so that you are most likely to pick them.

In that sense, you still make a choice, because the algorithms are personalized to cater to your tastes. But that choice is now automated.

The engineering mindset has little patience for the manic obsession of words and images, for the mystique of art, for morality and emotional intelligence. This kind of mindset only views humans as data, components of systems, abstractions. With this kind of cold-blooded thinking, so divorced from the uniqueness and mystery of human life, it’s easy to understand for anyone ,how long-standing values  have suddenly begun to seem like an annoyance—why a term  like privacy carries so little weight in the engineer’s dictionary, why  publishing and journalism seem so imminently disruptive  and biased.

So, one thing is absolutely clear that algorithms are meant to erode free will, to alleviate mankind of the burden of choosing, to push them to think in a particular direction. Algorithms bring in the creator a sense of omnipotence, the condescending belief that our behavior can be altered, without our even being aware of the hand guiding us, in a superior direction. That was always the danger of the engineering mindset, as it moves beyond its roots in building inanimate stuff and begins to design a more perfect social world. We are only the screws and bolts in the grand design.

In the coming time, free will and choice will be more and more a theoretical concept.

Our thoughts, choices and consequently our decisions progressively being automated, a few questions need to be addressed as we plunge in this automated world blindly.

1.   Why is the brain so gullible to these automations?

2.   Are these automations a new phenomenon of the last few decades or they existed?

3.   Does our mind have a natural bias to these automations and hence are sitting ducks to these newer algorithms?

Let us try to understand more about automations of thoughts.

Automation is defined as the technique, method, or system of operating or controlling a process by highly automatic means, as by electronic devices, reducing human intervention to a minimum.
To simplify it further it is the method of making a machine, a process, or a system work without being directly controlled by a person.

The drive to provide increased levels of control of electro-mechanical systems, and with it, a corresponding distancing of the human from direct system control has grown out of the belief that automated systems provide superior reliability, improved performance and reduced costs for the performance of many functions.

Similarly, we have the universe and nature around us, working in automation. Let me try to explain this in detail. The planets revolve around the sun and the satellites (the moon revolves around the earth in automation). Although it is not absolute because there are instances where the balance between them changes, what we know as variations in the gravitational force causing storms and cyclones.

 In physics, Gravitational force and the electromagnetic quantum dynamics are two principles to explain why the organism and the universe move in automation.

But the majority of the time, the universe tends to move in automation. Similarly, the life cycles of organisms on planet earth move in automation. Nobody can deny the fact that we are born, then we get young, turn old and finally die. These are the facts which we have to live with every single day of our life. The heart beats every single moment, the breath and the various organs like the liver makes bile or the kidneys making urine, they all move in automation without any voluntary control.

But there are instances when this automation is momentarily disturbed, which changes the balance. So as in an infectious disease or neoplasms or any other disease once the automation is broken, it rewires and starts moving into other automation, only this time it destroys the body rather than being in harmony. We call this a parasitic relationship rather than symbiotic. When we intervene with treatment in the form of medicines or therapy, we break this automation and try to get the body back to harmony or homeostasis.
The fact that the universe and all its beings are moving in automation is now well established. There are subtle moments which change this automation to make them move into new automation. For example comets or meteors changing the path.

Similarly, our brain and its pathways tend to automate. This has resulted in us making those micro and macro changes in the brain when we learn to ride a bicycle or a motorbike. Initially, when we learn to ride a bicycle we all have had fallen off balance at some moment. Once we have learned and the brain pathways have become autonomous, we do not necessarily get off balance easily and fall off the bicycle. Even when we are talking to someone while riding we are able to maintain the balance. But during our learning, we need to have maximum awareness and focus on the task, be it learning how to read and write or riding a bicycle. It can be learning how to communicate or the social interactions in early childhood. Our awareness is at its maximum. But once the learning is done, the brain and its pathway set the same task into automation.

Since the ancient history of mankind, reacting to a stressful situation or managing difficult emotions are some of the things has always been understated and not given its due importance. But today in this fast-paced world, managing thoughts and emotions has become one of the most essential skills. Multinational companies are on a lookout for such employees having high emotional quotient who can challenge this automation.

In many cases, automation has provided the desired benefits and has extended system functionality well beyond existing human capabilities. Along with these benefits, however, a certain price has been extracted.

In 1989, a US Air B-737 failed to take-off at New York’s LaGuardia Airport, landing in the nearby river (National Transportation Safety Board, 1990). The precipitating cause was an accidental disarming of the autothrottle. Neither the captain nor the first officer monitored the critical flight parameters in order to detect and correct the problem, thus the take-off was not aborted in a timely manner, resulting in the loss of the aircraft and two passengers.

In 1983, a Korean Airlines flight was shot down over the (then) USSR with no survivors. The aircraft was interpreted as hostile when it traveled into Soviet airspace without authorization or radio contact.

In each of these cases, the human operators overseeing the automated systems were unaware of the critical features of the systems they were operating. They were unaware of the state of the automated system and were unaware of the aircraft parameters the automation was responsible for.

The more we are aware of these automations, the more we will realize the horrendous effects of the technology on our minds.

 I am not anti-technology by any chance and strongly believe that embracing these advances are a must for a better future. But I also believe that these automations of thoughts are one of the primary reasons behind mental health diseases and are less highlighted in the day to day life. Too much dependence on technology lead to increase automations in our thinking resulting in being driven into a lonely world of machines which can never replace the social need of the human brain.

As we embrace the newer technologies we also need to embrace the old age methods of mindfulness, cultivate empathy and emotional intelligence which seems to be the most prudent solution to the automations created.

References: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/241260715_AUTOMATION_AND_SITUATION_AWARENESS_THE_ACCIDENT_AT_CALI_COLUMBIA

The Subtle Art of Comeback.----Why The Science Of Resilence is Important

                  I am sure that we have faced setbacks at some stage in our life. Calculations have gone wrong in spite of our best efforts. Many times Things do not turn out as we predict them to be. Life has always been unpredictable for everyone. Be it a child or the most powerful person, no one is spared! This is true for every professional and individual. As parents, when we raise our children or hold on to a failing relationship, these mishaps follow us. It is not every time that we are able to overcome them in the desired time period. We learn to live them.

The moment when failure stares at us, clawing back, seems a distant reality. Many believe that it is not everyone’s cup of tea. A comeback is for a chosen few who have a strong mindset. But in reality, our mind has other plans. A comeback is manufactured! And is the building block for a new life of hope and happiness. We all stage a comeback sooner or later but the time is taken and the belief separates the successful individuals.

What a comeback!

Comebacks are always possible; to be honest, they happen all the time. However, if you have had a setback, a comeback may seem impossible to you. Our journey of life is full of setbacks, no matter who you are. Financial problems, health issues, divorce, loss of a loved one — these and many more visit all of us. The difficult part is how you can overcome your setback. How do you accept a setback and make a comeback?

A comeback will always begin with change. If you desire a comeback you are going to have to change. Unless you change what you presently are doing or not doing, things are going to remain the same. There is no chance of a comeback. You have to be willing to do things differently from what you’ve done up to this point.

Awareness changes your mind. It happens when you receive new information or gain new knowledge — this is a change of mind.

Change happens when you adopt a new attitude. When you decide that your way of thinking is going to change — this is a change of heart. Change always happens when you choose to be committed and be perseverant — this will change your future.

Not that it will change your past but it will pave the way for a brighter tomorrow.

Like it or not, success doesn’t always happen overnight. In fact, some of the world’s most famous high achievers heard “no” at least once (and often quite a few times) before getting that all-important “yes.”

Whether you’re teaching your child or dealing with a task at hand.Failure is bound to strike you at some stage.Y ou have to get up, rewire and give it back.

Here are a few of successful people who prove that the best way to face failure is to just keep going.

 J.K. Rowling

Five years before publishing one of the most influential books of the 21st century, J.K. Rowling was living on welfare and struggling as a single mother.

Rowling wrote the first book in the Harry Potter series while working during the night as a teacher, but the manuscript was rejected 12 times by the publisher.

When Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone eventually did get published, Rowling was advised not to quit her day job since her chance of success was slim. And, of course, with over 450 million Harry Potter books sold worldwide, we all know how that really turned out!

Steven Spielberg

Now one of the Hollywood’s most respected directors, Steven Spielberg was rejected by his school of choice for film three different times. But he didn’t let that stop him.

Spielberg eventually secured an internship at Universal Studios after enrolling in a different college. During that internship, he was asked to direct a small film, with his work impressing Universal executives so much that they offered him a seven-year contract. He became the youngest director ever hired by the studio.

Sudha Chandran.

She is an Indian television and film actress and an accomplished Bharatnatyam dancer who lost her leg when she was 16 as a result of a road accident during a pilgrimage in Tamil Nadu. The bus she was traveling in hit a truck and her feet got stuck in the chaos. Her right foot was critically injured. Unfortunately for her, the doctors made a mistake while trying to cure the infection. This mistake cost Sudha her right leg.

“To stop the spread of the infection, her right leg had to be amputated 7.5 inches below the knee.”

Very rarely we come across people who have the courage and heart to make a comeback after tragedy strikes their personal lives.

May 2nd, 1981 was the day that changed Sudha Chandran forever. But she proved that she was not a quitter. She started to lose all hopes as she realized with every dance session while wearing the artificial leg, her foot began to bleed and the pain became more severe as the pace of her dancing increased. Though she was determined to overcome it.

It was after all this, that she received so much respect from the media, got an offer to act in a film based on her life and received tons of opportunities.

Marvan Attapatu

Making his debut in Test cricket for Sri Lanka, Marvan scored a duck in his first innings. And again, in his second innings.

They dropped him. So he went back to the nets for more practice. More first-class cricket. More runs. Waiting for that elusive call. And after twenty-one months, he got a second chance.

This time, he tried harder. His scores: 0 in the first innings, 1 in the second Dropped again, he went back to the grind. And scored tonnes of runs in first-class cricket. Runs that seemed inadequate to erase the painful memories of the Test failures. Well, seventeen months later, opportunity knocked yet again. Marvan got to bat in both innings of the Test. His scores: 0 and 0. Phew!

Back to the grind. Would the selectors ever give him another chance? They said he lacked big-match temperament. His technique wasn’t good enough at the highest level. Undaunted, Marvan kept trying.

Three years later, he got another chance. This time, he made runs. He came good. And in an illustrious career thereafter, Marvan went on to score over 5000 runs for Sri Lanka. That included sixteen centuries and six double hundreds. And he went on to captain his country. All this despite taking over six years to score his second run in Test cricket. Wow! What a guy!

How many of us can handle failure as well as he did? Six years of trying, and failing. He must have been tempted to pursue another career. Change his sport perhaps. Play county cricket. Or, oh well, just give up. But he didn’t. And that made the difference.

 “Perseverance is everything. Everybody has failures, but successful people keep on going.”

                     So I decided to explore the reasons why some people can stage a comeback while others fail. Going through my research and my interventions with people of all age groups, I ended up making the laws of neuroplasticity. These are based on neuroscience, neurophysics and the changes taking place in our brain. These laws were always existing in our lives but we never realized that these were making our thought process autonomous (without our conscious control).

The next problem I faced was to reach out to layman so everyone can know about these laws and can get benefited. I realized that most of the people understood these mechanisms when they were in a happy state. But would they be able to recollect these mechanisms when the tide was against them? So hence decide to explain these laws in the form of stories so I could make an impression in the mind of how our human mind works.

This is the first time when someone has tried to attempt this feat. So, I was skeptical and took reviews from people from all walks of life. I worked on the stories so even if people do not read the science part, I could reach out to them with the stories and simple explanations of the process. In spite of the many rejections of my content by my non-medico wife, Darshana, I persisted with the book until she gave me a thumbs up.

What a comeback! Is an inspiring journey of 10 friends who go through torrid times in their lives?

It gives us an insight into the functioning of the thought processes that govern our responses both in favorable and in tough times. The stories of Sam and his friends make the readers realize that they too can be superheroes in their lives and they do not need to wait for a miracle, to come up with the right decisions in life.

Each and every story is about a common man, his everyday problems and his tirade against the uncertainties of life. The book takes you on a journey into the brain of the characters and how the brain functions and overcomes difficult situations.

The intention of writing the book is to leave the reader with a sense of hope and belief that a comeback is possible in their life at any stage, no matter what destiny presents us in our journey. If the book can change the life of a single individual, my goal will be achieved.

"No one has ever achieved great heights if they have not mastered the art of the comeback." Dr. Chirag Jain

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The link to my book -----kindle version     http://amzn.in/7l2aUZV 

                                         Paperback         What a Comeback! - The laws that change the way we think

What A Comeback!The Laws That Change the Way We Think.---------"Stories that Reveal the Science Behind Resilence."

“Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new centre of gravity. Don't fight them. Just find a new way to stand.”― Oprah Winfrey

"There's nothing as exciting as a comeback - seeing someone with dreams, watching them fail, and then getting a second chance" -Rachel Griffiths

We have all faced difficult moments at some stage in our life. Life has always been unpredictable. Be it a child or the most powerful person, no one is spared! Things do not turn out as we predict them to be. This is true for every profession and individual. The most successful man or woman will vouch for the above statement. It is true for every relationship, at some point of our lives. As we parent our children or hold on to a relationship, these unpredictable situations follow us.

Resilience and Perseverance go hand in hand in shaping the conditions of a comeback. It is when failure stares at us, clawing back seems a distant reality. Many believe that it is not everyone’s cup of tea. But our mind has other plans. A comeback is manufactured! And is the building block for a new life of hope and happiness. We all stage a comeback sooner a later but the time taken differs with every individual.

What a comeback! Is an inspiring journey of 10 friends who go through torrid times in their lives.

The book gives us an insight into the functioning of the thought processes that govern our responses both in favorable and in tough times. The stories of Sam and his friends make the readers realize that they too can be superheroes in their lives and they do not need to wait for a miracle, to come up with the right decisions in life.

The book is based on the laws of neuroplasticity which have been formulated based on neuroscience and the changes taking place in our brain. These laws were always existing in our lives but we never realized that these were making our thought process autonomous (without our conscious control).

 Each and every story is about a common man, his everyday problems and his tirade against the uncertainties of life. The author gives a journey into the brain of the characters and how the brain functions and overcomes difficult situations.

This is the first time when someone has tried to explain the complex mechanisms of neuroscience with the help of stories.

 The intention of writing the book is to leave the reader with a sense of hope and belief that a comeback is possible in their life at any stage, no matter what destiny presents us in our journey.

"No one has ever achieved great heights if they have not mastered the art of the comeback." Dr. Chirag Jain

“To persevere, I think, is important for everybody. Don't give up, don't give in. There's always an answer to everything.”-Louis Zamperini

you can book your copy on Amazon

Suicide video from Kandivali-The lessons learnt

 A class ninth student of Gundecha Education Academy  at Kandivili ended her life by jumping from top floor of her building. Cause is unknown. We are no one to judge her or her family or the circumstances. Family is at loss and so  is she. The video of the suicide has been widely shared on social media and parents like in most suicide cases are unaware of the situation. The danger of the suicide video being seen by the children is one of the irony which most of the parents sharing the video are unaware.

I have jotted down some of the facts and remedies which parents can intervene and prevent such events from happening.

1. A child is prone to depression much more than adults.

2.Till the age of 18, a child can be prone to mental illness , disorders and depression.

3.  If a child is showing any kinds of withdrawals , sitting quiet for a long time, dreaming , sudden loss of attention span, too many distractions and not interested in anything, temper tantrums, bouts of anger or crying too easily on petty things , please sit with the child.

4.  Take leave from work, go for a vacation. Leave everything and talk to him or her. No need to ask her why is she sad or aloof. Just discuss general things to encourage her to open up. Assure that you are there whatever happens.

5.   

Don’t ask your child to adjust too much to any changes in life. Everyone has a level of adaptability. Let it happen at its pace.

6.    No academics is important than your child’s mental and physical health.

7.  No comparing the child with others rather compare with herself/himself. Eg. When you did that test / sang a song/ played  well last time, we were more happy.

8. 

Children should play till the age they want to. Play is stress busters. Physical exercise is also a stress buster. If they don’t get a chance to play due to less kids or weather, enroll them in some hobby class or pursue a sport.

9.  If they like to dance and sing they should do that everyday.

10.    Please don’t burden them with school homework , tuition homework and external classes homework. Thinking will be limited.

11.    Talk about everything that we converse at home appropriately as per their level. Let them be aware of life's dealings.

12.  Listen to them too. If they don’t want tuitions / studies for a day or two, pls give them that break. Explain the consequences of that break. Don’t warn.

13.   Allow and encourage them to befriend  like minded kids . Let them meet their friends sometimes under supervision. Talk about their friends and their family. Allow child to gauge the nature of her friends so that she or he knows to judge correctly.

14.   Probably many of us didnt witness or even heard such incidents because we had plenty of friends to talk and share our thoughts.

15.   

Nowadays because of growing instances of  manhandling , abduction etc. We dont allow them to go down and play on their own. However, we need to make some time for this. PLAY ,  having good FRIENDS and parental interaction with kids are critical.

16. One of the best way to deal with a child having any addiction like media, bad company, drugs etc is by diverting him or her and keeping them busy with tasks they are insterested in.

17. Building up their emotional intelligence and helping to manage their emotions is important.

18. DO NOT HESITATE to take professional help if in doubt or if needed. Do not take things for granted by ignoring.

Just wote this blog  to increase more awareness among we parents.

 Every emotional turmoil can be sorted through right intervention and communication.

Life is priceless.