Bettering life with courage

 You can begin to improve your life as soon as you have a sense of courage. Constructing bravery will enable you to take risks that would otherwise be out of your comfort zone and lead to a brighter future. To overcome fear, you must first have the courage to do it. Bravery is the act of recognising that you have fears but being willing to figure out how to overcome them and not allowing them to control  your life. It's okay to have your anxieties at  appropriate moments. 

The more courageous you become, the more you'll be able to direct your own life. You'll get the ability to graciously accept both punishment and reward. Courageous people are often compelled to accept blame and responsibility for their actions, while also evaluating their own behaviours and using what they've learned to improve their future. When new chances present themselves, brave people will seize them rather than remain on the sidelines. In contrast, a courageous person will take a step back and examine his or her mistakes with equanimity.

Relaxation comes naturally to someone who wants to improve their situation. Even if their plans go awry, this person will remain calm. Individuals will find something else to occupy their time if it rains the next day and still be glad to join our trip.

You must learn to put your trust in yourself if you hope to achieve success and happiness in your life. When you have faith in yourself, you have the ability to have faith in others. It's unfortunate that trust is hard to come by, but when you put your faith in yourself, you can't blame anyone else when things go wrong.

Using your creative and critical thinking skills is an essential part of improving your life. Success begins with the ability to generate new ideas. Many possibilities are available to you in this world, but finding them requires you to dig deep into your own personal resources.

We all have those moments when we're a little uncomfortable. This is, in reality, a common occurrence. Do you have the courage to face your annoyances? You can be disoriented during an interview. Are you ready to put up with this discomfort and find a way to wow the interviewer with a fantastic speech? Alternatively, are you willing to let negative energy cost you the job?

The secret to happiness is acceptance. In order to live a happier and better life, you must be able to accept all of life's good and terrible moments. However, if you are unable to accept this, you should re-read this information.

Acceptance for personal growth

 How well are you at accepting your control over your circumstances, as well as your inability to control them? 

Are you able to cope with the constant flux of your life?

You can take control of your life when you can accept everything, including yourself and other people. In charge, it's easier to recognize how you can improve your own life. You'll find who you are when you learn to accept yourself as you are.

People around the world feel that when we act the same way at all times, we've established our identity. That's completely out of line with current events! Many good and bad influences have infiltrated our minds and bodies to the point where we now experience all of the above. In order for our personality to reflect these changes, we have to feel something new on a daily basis.

We've become numb to the horrors of the world around us.  Everyone's entitled to their own opinions, yet we must all admit that we have passed judgement on someone at some point. Changing our own conduct and mindset can have a positive impact on the people around us. A part of learning and acceptance is this. You can travel the world by becoming your own influence and letting other influences bring bad luck into the life of another individual.

You'll want to laugh more once you've accepted reality. You'll notice the humour in someone's conduct if they're making you nuts, for example. If you make a mistake and feed into their naivete, you might see the humour in it. You'll feel better about yourself if you can see the humour in everything. In order to improve yourself, you may inspire others to follow suit. It's been shown that actions speak louder than words when it comes to inspiring someone to make a difference.

You'll develop a new hunger for self-improvement as you mature, and that hunger will lead you to new discoveries. As your health improves, you'll realise that you need to exercise, eat healthily, and spend time with people who inspire you. You'll be motivated to work hard to achieve your goals as soon as you get a taste of this hunger.

Distractions in Self-Study: What Exactly is the Problem (and how can we fix it)?

If you’ve been studying to pass the competitive exam like JEE,NEET, UPSC or even 10th grade and you’ve been closely following the recommended study plan, you’ve probably been working hard. But have you been working smart? Self-study is hard because you’re studying for an exam that requires you to retain massive amounts of information. The key is to find the right balance between the right amount of time and the right level of effort. If you’re struggling to keep focused, you’re not alone. Many people have the same issues with self-study that you do, which is why we’re writing this blog post to help you understand what you can do to improve your study habits and pass the exam on the first try!

What are the most common distractions in self-study?

Many people who study for competitive exams experience a lack of focus and difficulty staying focused on their studies. In many cases, these problems are caused by distractions that are easy to avoid. Here are some of the most common distractions in self-study:

- Social Media: If you spend all of your free time on social media, you’re likely to get distracted from your studies. Even though social media isn’t a direct source of distraction, it can still cause you to lose focus.

- Bad Habits: Many people make the mistake of “copy-and-pasting” their study habits from the last exam into their current exam. If you’ve been studying for the past three years, this is probably not going to help you pass the exam now! If you’ve developed bad study habits, it’s time to get rid of them.

- Your Environment: Your environment plays a huge role in your ability to stay focused. If your room resembles a library, you’re probably not going to be able to stay focused. You need to optimize your environment to help you stay focused on your studies.

Why is distraction so hard to tackle in self-study?

People who study for competitive exams tend to be very driven and ambitious people. This is a good quality to have, but it can also make it difficult for you to stay focused on your studies.

If you’re constantly worried about your future, you’re not going to have the time or patience to study for a competitive exam. You need to foster a consistent routine that allows you to balance your studies with your life.

Another common issue with self-study is that you don’t have a partner to help you study. If you study on your own, it can be hard to stay focused if you don’t have anyone to help you stay focused. Partners can help you brainstorm study plans and make sure you stay focused on your studies.

Stay focused with these strategies

There are several strategies you can use to stay focused during your study sessions. Here are some strategies you can use to stay focused during self-study:

- Make a Schedule: Failing to make a schedule during your study sessions is one of the biggest errors that people make during self-study. Scheduling your study time is one of the best ways to stay focused during study sessions.

- Have a Studymode: A studymode is a plan you use to study for a competitive exam. Your studymode can be created on any platform that allows you to create studies. Studymodes can help you organize your study time and stay focused.

- Create an Environment That Supports Learning: If your room looks like a library and your appliances sound like a library, you’re not going to be able to stay focused. You need to make your study environment as conducive to learning as possible.

Take a break

If you’re struggling with distractions, it might be time to take a break from self-study. As a matter of fact, you should take a break from studying for at least a couple of weeks before you sit for your competitive exam. If you’re feeling stressed out and you’re struggling to stay focused, a break is always a good idea.

Studying for a competitive exam is stressful because it requires massive amounts of effort. If you’ve been studying for a competitive exam for 6 months straight, you need a break before you take the exam again.

Taking a break from self-study will allow you to come back to your studies refreshed and ready to tackle your studies with a positive attitude.

Summary

Self-study can be very challenging and difficult. If you’re struggling to stay focused during your study time, you need to implement the following strategies:

- Make a schedule to stay focused on your studies.

- Create an environment that supports learning.

- Take a break before taking your competitive exam.

There are many things that can distract you from your studies, but the key is to identify them and find ways to avoid them. By staying focused, you’ll be able to pass the exam with flying colors.

Crisis evolution:Strengthening the Soul with Langhams

If you seek mental, emotional, spiritual, and bodily well-being, you should do four Langhanams. It was a basic principle adopted by our ancient Indian ancestors. They referred to it as Langhanam Paramaushadhm, which means that fasting is the best remedy.

 Let's have a look at the evidence first. Cooked vegetables, grains, and other food items, such as rotis, bread, biscuits, and pasta, should be avoided during fasting. Including these foods would have rendered the health advantages of fasting null and void if they had been consumed while fasting.

First and foremost, Langhanam

During the first langhanam, one abstain from eating food. Even though our ancestors didn't think of the human body as an eating machine, a surprising number of people who live in seclusion are constantly snacking. If you continue to eat this way, your health will deteriorate and you will become more susceptible to illness. Rather than relying on your tongue to tell you when you're hungry, listen to your body. Cooking at home can get a rest as well.

Wait until your right nose is full of air before you consume anything. When you breathe via your right nostril, sun energy flows through your body, allowing you to digest your food the most effectively.

Fasting might be intermittent, water-only, or a soup-only fast. Remember that even animals go on a fast when they are sick or in need of a health boost.

Langhanam may also be eating healthily. Proteins are the building blocks of all immunoglobulins, which are antibodies used to combat disease. Taking in the correct quantity of protein in your diet will help boost your immune system.

Being able to reap the benefits of fasting

Fasting is a well-known method of maintaining a healthy physique. In addition to religious reasons, fasting is also used to maintain good health. People should fast in order to avoid illness. Let's take a look at some of the advantages of fasting.

It has been shown that fasting can help avoid a number of long-term health problems including arthritis, asthma and high blood pressure, as well as colitis and irritable bowel syndrome.

Obesity can be treated by fasting. Fasting is the best technique to reduce weight because it is safe and quickly effective. When it comes to your mental health, fasting is a good idea. For example, fasting improves hormones, kidneys, liver, cardiovascular system, red blood cells, and other vital bodily systems. When you fast, you feel lighter. However, during a fast, water and other liquids must be utilized more often. Constipation, gas, heartburn, bloating, headaches, and fevers can all be cured by fasting. Fasting increases the body's energy level by distributing it to all of its parts.

In the second Langhanam.

The second langhanam is a pause in breathing. Similarly, the more heat an engine produces, the more quickly it combusts. The intake of breath is the power source for every cell in your body. The ancient yogis fasted their breath. Slow inhalations and powerful exhalations with breath pauses were purposefully practiced. Slow aging is one of the benefits of breath-fasting practiced regularly. You begin to think more optimistically. Negative thoughts can be more easily shaken off your mind.

The third Langhanam is here

The third langhanam is abstaining from harsh and gloomy language. People with Vak-Shakti, or the power of speech, are few and few between. Your Vak-Shakti increases as you speak words that are true and bring happiness to others in a pleasant tone more often..

Fasting is the ultimate langhanam. You don't have to be a couch potato and eat popcorn while watching television to have a good time. In order to practice fasting, you must sit still, either by noticing your breath or by listening to the sounds of nature or your divinity. Sit down!! Restlessness is reduced even if you can sit still for just one minute at a time.

Langhanam or fasting is a powerful tool. The more you practice these four langhanams, the more powerful you'll feel in your mind, body, and consciousness overall.

Things that Have an Impact on a Student's Academic Success

Students' performance and outcomes can be greatly impacted by teachers' use of motivation in the classroom. So parents and instructors who want to help their children succeed in school should be aware of the aspects that affect student motivation.

Why Is Motivating Students in the Classroom Essential?

When children are motivated, their focus and behaviour are maintained, and they have the extra energy they need to complete assignments. As a result, it's useful for extending the duration of some tasks. There are numerous ways in which students' behaviour, preferences, and performance can be influenced by motivation in the educational setting. Motivation, for example:

assisting us in focusing on the things that need to be done,

we can accomplish these things in a shorter amount of time while maintaining our attention for a longer period of time,

improve your ability to focus and reject distractions

our ability to keep and preserve information

Persuade others of the relative ease or difficulty of jobs.

Motivation is the most crucial factor in spurring us to do action. Parents, instructors, and students all have a role to play. The best outcomes can be achieved with the correct blend. Without it, it may be difficult or even impossible for certain people to complete the task.

1. Class and Curriculum Design

When there is order, children thrive; when there is disorder, they struggle. Students feel more at ease when they realise that classes have a set framework and that the curriculum and class materials have been planned in advance.

One of our most basic desires is to have a sense of safety. Students can better concentrate on their studies when those conditions are present in the classroom.

Classes and curricula must be planned carefully by educators if they want to make pupils feel more safe. Preparation for all class materials should begin well in advance. A course or class's objectives might be stated by the instructor at the start of the semester or the class.

Personality and Behaviour of Teachers

The way a student feels about their teacher, whether it's fear or dislike, can have an impact on how they approach the subject as a whole. Students' motivation in school can be lowered if a teacher shows a preference for some students or uses disparaging and degrading language.

The opposite is also true: pupils' desire to learn can be increased by the use of kindness, optimism, positive comments, and encouragement.

3. Instructional Strategies

When teachers employ a variety of instructional strategies, students are more likely to remain engaged in their studies. As a result of this, students are less likely to become bored. Providing the option of working with a certain partner might also be advantageous.

Different learning styles are common amongst the students in a particular class. In order to better fulfil the needs of their students, a teacher should use several teaching strategies.

4) Parental Behaviors and Involvement

The intrinsic motivation of children can be influenced by a variety of parenting behaviours. Among them are:

encouraging the child's interest in the subject matter

by way of getting to know them better and finding out about their day,

actively taking notes,

assisting with the learning of new skills or tasks,

attending meetings with one's parents,

Encouraging the completion of homework or preparation for an exam by children.

Reading is another practise that has been shown to enhance motivation. Reading aloud to and with young children accelerates their progress toward literacy. However, a student's later academic achievement can be determined by their reading comprehension ability.

5. Family Problems and Uncertainty

Motivation can be negatively impacted by a lack of security at home, just like it can be negatively impacted by a lack of security at school.

Children who have both parents in their lives tend to fare better in school. Academic performance can suffer as a result of family strife and instability. Here are a few examples:

divorce,

when one or both of one's parents have passed away

not sharing a home with one's biological parents,

not being able to communicate with one's biological parents,

a pattern of often changing residences,

Therefore, schools may need to provide additional assistance to pupils in such cases.

Interactions with coworkers

As children get older, so does the impact of their classmates on them. Problems and disagreements with classmates can impair a student's self-esteem, raise his or her stress level, and decrease his or her interest in school.

Peer conflicts, bullying, and other difficulties can be avoided by keeping an eye on them.

Proper Instructional Context

Another aspect of the learning environment that has an impact on student motivation is the temperature of the classroom. Schools and colleges have distinct rules and regulations in place to create a certain atmosphere.

Students who thrive in a safe and supportive learning environment are better able to meet their fundamental needs, such as food, and are better able to form good social connections.

There is a correlation between too many classes and a learning atmosphere that is overly serious. Creating a lively atmosphere in the classroom can help students stay motivated and achieve better results. Additionally, making time for recreation and relaxation is a smart move.

8. Ongoing evaluations

In spite of the fact that standardised assessments might raise the bar for academic achievement, they can have a detrimental impact on students' motivation if they are used too frequently and with too much stress. In places like Finland, primary school students do not take any tests. Despite the absence of testing, Finnish children are more successful academically.

In addition, it is normal for pupils to lose interest if assessments are excessively difficult. This does not provide students a sense of accomplishment and eventually diminishes their drive in school. As a result, instructors must experiment with and use a variety of assessment approaches that can accommodate students' varying learning styles. It is necessary to achieve the concept of flow, in which the student is sufficiently pushed but does not find it too difficult or easy. These pupils have shown the most improvement.

Distractions are becoming more widespread in today's children, thus a positive feedback and incentive is essential to overcome them. Military commandos aren't exactly known for their ability to handle stressful situations like these, but a comparable training programme can help students become more aware of their emotions and take control. The US military's VUCA training is a good illustration of how training may help people cope with uncertainty. Covid 19 is just one example of how we need to better prepare our children for the future. When it comes to future benchmarks, adaptability and flexibility will be key.

Finally, the adversity quotient, which deals with life's unexpected events and stress, is high in some people from an early age. When it comes to some, they'll need to be taught from an early age. Exams are like battles for soldiers these days, and our children need to be prepared to do better than their peers.

You're afraid of Corona, aren't ya?

  

Anxiety over the COVID-19 virus can be debilitating, especially if you have an anxiety issue to begin with. 

However, you aren't completely powerless. 

These pointers can assist you in coping with the stress of this period.

Recognizing and managing your stress

It's a horrible period. A global pandemic has struck, and towns and countries alike have been forced to close their doors. Some of us live in locations where coronavirus has already spread. Others are preparing themselves for the worst. And we're all keeping tabs on the news and wondering, "What's next?"

Many people find the ambiguity around coronavirus to be the most difficult to deal with. We have no idea how awful things will get or how much of an impact they will have on us. Catastrophizing and spiralling into a state of dread and terror is all too simple because of this. Even in the face of this unprecedented catastrophe, there are numerous things you can do to manage your anxiety and panic.

Stay up to date, but don't constantly scan the headlines every day.

Make sure you know what's going on around you so that you can take the appropriate safety precautions and help to halt the spread of coronavirus. However, there is a lot of misinformation and sensationalistic media that simply serves to stoke the fires of irrationality. When it comes to what you read and see, you need to be careful.

• Only rely on reputable sources and your local health department.

Check for updates only once every several hours. Anxiety can be exacerbated rather than alleviated by constant monitoring of news and social media feeds. Keep an eye on how you're feeling, because everyone's threshold is unique.

In the event that you feel overwhelmed, take a break from the media. You may want to limit your media consumption to a set time period and/or a specific time of day if you are experiencing anxiety (e.g. thirty minutes each evening at 6 pm).

Ask a trusted friend or family member to pass along crucial information. A trusted friend or family member can pass along important news to you if you prefer to shun the media.

Keep your personal information private. Check facts before passing them on to others. We must all do our part to prevent the spread of rumours and the instigation of unwarranted fear.

Don't worry about what you can't change.

We're living through a period of enormous change. We have no idea how long the pandemic will endure, how other people will act, or what will happen in our neighbourhoods. A difficult thing to accept, and many of us respond by exploring the Internet for answers and contemplating all of the possible outcomes.. To put it another way, this method won't help us if we're focusing on questions with unknown solutions and conditions that are beyond our control.

When you start to worry about the future, try to focus on the things you can control. There is no way for you to influence how serious the coronavirus outbreak in your city or town will be. However, you can take efforts to lower your own personal risk (and the danger that you'll unintentionally spread it to others), such as:

At least 20 seconds of hand washing with soap and water or a hand sanitizer that includes at least 60% alcohol should be performed at least once a day.

• refraining from rubbing your face (particularly your eyes, nose, and mouth).

• even if you don't feel sick, stay at home as much as possible.

• avoiding large groups of more than ten people.

Shopping and travel should be avoided at all costs.

keeping at least six feet between oneself and other people while out and about is recommended.

sleeping well, which aids in the maintenance of your immune system.

• according to all health authority guidelines.

Plan for what you can do

As a parent, it's understandable to worry about what might happen if you lose your job, your children are unable to go to school, or you or someone you care about becomes ill. As frightening as these possibilities may be to contemplate, acting proactive can alleviate some of the stress.

In order to better understand how the coronavirus may affect your life, write down particular concerns you have. Take a break if you start to feel overwhelmed.

Think of all the possible answers you can come up with and write them down. Let go of your desire for "perfect" solutions. Include whatever you can think of that might assist you get through the day.

Rather than focusing on things that are beyond of your control, focus on what you can do to improve the situation.

Draw out a plan of action after you've weighed all of your possibilities. Afterward, put it away and resist the temptation to return to it unless your situation drastically changes.

Keep in touch, even if you're far away from others.

Coronavirus can be transmitted even if the infected person does not display any signs of illness, according to research. That's why social distancing is the most important thing most people can do right now to make a good impact.

Distancing yourself from your friends and family can have its drawbacks. Biologically, we are social beings. To connect with others, we're born with a predisposition towards it. Depression and anxiety are exacerbated by feelings of isolation and loneliness. Keeping in touch and reaching out for help is essential, even if we are cutting back on face-to-face interaction.

Keeping in touch with loved ones is essential. Think considering scheduling regular phone, chat, or Skype dates to combat your tendency to withdraw when sad or stressed.

If you can't meet face-to-face, try video conferencing instead. This "vitamin" for your mental health reduces your risk of depression and alleviates stress and anxiety through face-to-face contact.

If you're looking for a way to interact with people in your life and the world, social networking is a terrific option. It serves as a gentle reminder that we are not alone.

Be aware of how social media affects your mood. Never be afraid to mute remarks or individuals who make you feel anxious. And if it's making you feel worse, log out of the site.

Keep coronavirus out of the conversation at all times. Relaxation from worrying about the pandemic is essential; laughing, sharing tales, and focusing on other aspects of our lives are good ways to do this.

Be careful who you confide in when you're in need of emotional assistance because emotions are contagious.

Every one of us is going to require some kind of support or encouragement throughout this difficult period. In choosing a sounding board, be careful. It's not just the coronavirus that can spread. Emotions, too! Avoid discussing about the virus with persons who are pessimistic or who amplify your anxiety. Make the most of the people in your life who are both empathetic and logical in their thinking.

Take good care of yourself on all levels.

The tried-and-true methods of stress management, such as eating well, sleeping well, and meditating, nevertheless hold true in these hard times. In addition, here are some self-care strategies for dealing with the coronavirus' specific interruptions.

It's important to treat yourself with compassion. If you're feeling more depressed or anxious than normal, don't be too hard on yourself. You're not the only one who's going through the same things you are.

As much as possible, stick to a schedule. In the event that you're stranded in your own home, it is best to maintain a normal sleep, schooling, meal, or work schedule. A sense of normalcy will be restored.

It's important to take time out to do things you love. Whether it's a novel, a comedy, a board game, a craft, or a piece of art, there's something for everyone. Regardless of what you do, it doesn't matter as long as it helps you get your mind off of your concerns.

If you can, get out into nature. Getting some sunshine and fresh air will be beneficial. Even a short stroll around the block can lift your spirits. Avoid crowds, keep your distance from strangers, and abide by local rules and regulations.

• Find a way to get some physical activity in. Anxiety, tension, and depression can all be alleviated by engaging in physical activity. While the gym and group programmes are closed, you can still go cycling, hiking, or jogging on your own. Alternatively, if you're confined to your house, you can find workout videos to follow online. If you don't have any equipment, you can still do yoga and exercises that use your own weight.

Keep away from self-medication. If you're struggling with anxiety or depression, don't turn to alcohol and other substances to ease your symptoms. Avoid if you're prone to overdoing things even when things are going well.

Get into the habit of meditating. Restoring your neurological system's equilibrium is possible through the use of relaxation practises including deep breathing, meditation, and yoga. The best results come from consistent practise, so try to carve out some time each day to dedicate to it.

Help others out (it will make you feel better)

It's easy to get caught up in your own anxieties and worries during moments like this. It's vital to take a breath and remember that we're all in this together, despite the reports of people fighting over toilet paper or line up outside gun stores. "We're standing far apart now so that we might embrace each other afterwards," an Italian saying goes.

In times of crisis, those who focus on helping others and supporting their communities are more likely to be happy and healthy than those who focus on themselves. Donating your time and energy to others can have a positive impact on your neighbourhood, your state of mind, and even the rest of the globe. This pandemic is causing a lot of people to feel helpless. Being nice and helpful to others can give you a feeling of purpose and meaning in your life, and help you reclaim control over your circumstances.

Even if you choose to isolate yourself or keep a social distance from others, you can still do a lot to aid them.

Follow precautionary measures to keep the illness from spreading. You may help save the lives of those in your community who are most vulnerable by staying at home, washing your hands frequently, and avoiding direct contact with others.

Don't hesitate to help those in need. If you know elderly or disabled persons in your neighbourhood who are isolated, you can still help them. Helping an elderly neighbour with their shopping or filling a prescription could be an excellent idea. Packages can be dropped off at their door to prevent any direct interaction with them. It's possible that they just need a kind voice to talk to on the phone. It is possible to connect with the most vulnerable members in your community through a variety of local social media groups.

Make a donation to a food bank. In addition to depleting grocery store shelves, panic purchasing and hoarding have limited supply at food banks. Giving food or money to those in need is an excellent way to make a difference in the lives of seniors, low-income families, and anybody else.

Assist in reducing tension. Help those you care about who are in a state of fear by providing a sense of perspective. Refer them to credible news sources instead of spreading fear or giving attention to unfounded claims. Even when you're dealing with your own anxiety, being a supportive and uplifted presence in the lives of others can lift your own spirits.

Be considerate of others' feelings. Speak up if you hear unfavourable stereotypes that just encourage prejudice about infectious diseases because they are not linked to any racial or ethnic group. We all have the power to spread love and charity even quicker than the virus does if we have the appropriate mindset and intentions.

Why is children's behaviour worse than it has ever been, and can we improve it?

Raising children is a joy, except when it’s absolutely maddening. And it may be more frustrating today than it’s ever been is told by most parents in today’s modern India.

Is there an epidemic of misbehaviour? Are kids really worse now than they used to be?

Kids are definitely worse now than they have been. It’s impossible to prove 100 per cent why this is the case, but I think there is very compelling evidence. There’s three factors that really align with the timing of the change in kids. The dramatic decline in play in children today compared with a generation or two ago. Kids are pretty much constantly supervised from the time they are born until they’re maybe 18 when they leave home, so they never learn to manage their own behaviour. The second big factor is media and the growth of so much media that’s bombarding us with information and ideas about who we should be and what we should want.

Forty years ago kids figured out who they should be and what they should want, mostly by thinking about themselves. We’ve seen clinical research that this external focus is associated with anxiety and depression. The third big factor is just the decline in our communities and connection in our families. Maybe a generation ago a child would be in charge of a younger sibling, or they would have had a job of putting dinner on the table, and now their job is to get straight A’s and be a super star.

Why are chores linked to a kid’s happiness?

Household chores are one of the biggest links to happiness because when you do a chore you immediately see how your family benefits, or you benefit or your home is neater, and you get that immediate feedback and positive reinforcement.

Do you think parents are too controlling these days?

We have this impulse to make our kids do things as if that is our job. Actually, our job is to help them figure out how to control themselves. When we are controlling or critical it doesn’t teach our children anything. The more that children have independence, the less they fight with you, because they feel empowered.

Describe what you call the apprenticeship model of parenting?

The first and most important element is connection with the child. Without that connection, nothing can happen – no discipline, or learning or co-operation will happen. The second is communicating with the child about what is going on with what you’re willing to do and what they’re willing to do, and where you can compromise. The third is capability building, and I think that’s the one that parents are not as focused on. The more you and your child both can recognize and acknowledge the growth in their skills – maybe two months ago your kid was always leaving their backpack and having to run back in for it and now they’ve started to remember it – the more you can help your child recognize they are growing. Eventually that little person will become self-sufficient and independent.

Why is harsh verbal discipline is so counterproductive?

The problem is that we as parents are the source of self-regulation for our children. They don’t yet have all of the ability to manage their executive function and to manage their emotions. So we, just by our presence, our physical touch and our own calm physiology, help them to self-regulate. If we’re calm, they will be, too. If we’re yelling, they’ll be agitated and in that fight or flight stage.

But we’re all going to yell at our kids once and a while, aren’t we?

None of us is perfect. When I yell at my kids in the heat of the moment I try as quickly as possible to say, “I’m really sorry, I lost my temper.” And if next time you can catch yourself before you yell and say out loud, “I feel that I am about to yell. I am going to go outside and just go around the block until I cool down,” that’s giving your child another strategy of how to calm down and how to help them manage their strong feelings.