Friday, November 16, 2018

How does failure kick you in the butt in order to achieve your goals?






The need to associate only good feelings with our heroes is innate in us.
As a result, our heroes have taken on a life of their own. We don't want our favourite athletes to engage in doping or other unethical behaviour. We don't want our humanitarian or political heroes to be embroiled in sleazy scandals or illegal behaviour.. Our heroes in science should avoid the greatest of all scientific sins: admitting that they were mistaken.
When they fail to match our expectations, we feel justified in criticising them.
We think they're entitled to this humiliation.



Because of their failures, those who backed them in the past have always been questioned by history.



When people establish unrealistically high expectations for themselves, they react by judging themselves harshly for even the slightest accomplishments, such as proving a point in politics or winning an argument. They wind themselves in bitter arguments and ruminating for days about it for no good reason.

Rather than being a solo undertaking, living is an experience shared with millions of other people throughout the world. When you get it wrong, it's not a death sentence, but rather a springboard for more achievement.



The adage "once a failure, always a failure" is simply not true. Some of history's biggest failures were followed by a success that no one could have imagined, even our greatest heroes.

Despite this, we persist in our pursuit of perfection and accuracy as our two closest allies on the road to greatness. Is it true that failure weakens our thinking? Is it possible that by embracing failure, we are making the other person less driven and callous? People who believe that being severe on failure is a good approach to spur growth will be relieved if that response is yes.



Failure is a scientific fact

An MRI study by the University of Southern California and a team of international researchers has found that failure may be turned into a good experience by the brain if it chose to learn from its mistakes. 2.

Researchers have known for years that our brains learn in two different ways.

Avoidance learning is the practise of teaching children to avoid making the same mistakes again by punishing or condemning them when they make mistakes.

The reward-based learning approach is less common, but it works by rewarding the neurons in the brain each time they arrive at the correct response and rewiring their connections in the process.

Redefining mechanisms are activated in instances where there is enough information to assess and analyse the options, rather than defaulting to avoidance.

The finding of a brain region that makes you ponder if you've made a mistake and whether you've been urged to learn, take things in stride, and work on your mistakes was made by Oxford University scientists.

There are a dozen smaller areas in this part of the brain based on scans from 25 men and women. Afterward, the brain scans were compared to those of monkeys.

Incredibly, the brains of the macaque monkey and humans were found to be very different, even though they are our closest cousins. Why we are so good at working with our species and growing to a stage that no other species has even come close to reaching is most likely explained by this fact.

Among the 12 sections of the network, 11 were present in both humans and monkeys, and they were related to other parts of the brain in similar ways.

However, the macaques lacked the lateral frontal pole prefrontal cortex, which is one of our closest relatives.

It's not the first time the brains of humans and monkeys have diverged, but this is the first time a shift this pronounced has been discovered in the region responsible for the ability to change one's mind.

Rather than dwelling on what we could have done differently in other portions of the brain, this new region muses on what we may have done in the first place.

Basically, the lateral frontal pole is like a spouse who is always ready to tell you how easy it would have been to get it right if you'd just listened. To ensure that you don't do it again, the voice of authority advises you to retire to your room and ponder the consequences of your actions...



As a result, failing serves as a catalyst for growth in these areas. There would be no stress if the brain were not distracted by the negative feedback loops, which in turn stimulate our emotional brain (the amygdala). The rumination and disappointment that follow failure are caused by this self-judgement or criticism from others.



There are two equally sized areas in the prefrontal cortex, one of which Antoine Bechara, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of Southern California, believes is the source of our fear of failure and our desire for achievement. The argument between risk and reward arises in this context, he explains. These areas interact during the decision-making process in a way that is reminiscent of the devil and the angel sitting on our shoulders. This is a winner-takes-all situation. The conclusion of the debate, therefore, has a significant impact on our reactions. In the event that our previous failures have permanently etched their unfavourable impressions on our brains, there isn't much we can do to reverse the process.


4.    Endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin are released in our brains when we achieve accomplishment, which encourages us to continue the activity.
Failure causes our bodies to release cortisol, which causes us to feel rejected and unsafe.


Repetitive patterns of neural activity and brain regions connected with stress have been found in neuroimaging investigations. Scan results show a decrease in activity in the higher, reflecting brains at times of acute stress. Emotional and behavioural reactions are influenced by increased activity in the lower, reactive brain. Reactive networks in the lower brain get more dense and faster, while prefrontal cortex conscious control centres become less connected to each other.



It's better to rewire your brain to grow acclimated to the sense of success than to expect failure, because concentrating on outcomes can strengthen and autonomous neural networks. It is because of this that we react to failure before we are even aware of it. It's easy to remember how many times you've had that sinking feeling before the results are announced.

It is possible to use failure as a springboard to reevaluate our approach and turn adversity into opportunity.



Basically, there are two types of mindsets: one that pushes for perfection and the other that expects it. In order to achieve perfection, one must be willing to recognise that mistakes are a part of the process.



In contrast, we know that perfection is nearly impossible, thus demanding it might lead to a lot of terrible experiences.

Emotional exhaustion and burnout can occur in those who believe that failure is not an option, or who place an unrealistic standard of perfection on themselves and are emotionally exhausted all the time because nothing they do is good enough.



Checking in on the facts



It's an ancient saying that "failure is a good teacher," yet most of us, deep down, believe that 'errorless learning' is better. Failure is no longer an option in today's fast-paced environment. It is widely accepted that if educators, managers, and parents encourage failure, it will lead to a negative future for the person who fails. Some people end up producing a horrible experience because they think they won't do it again.

Suicides and mental health issues in schools and universities are on the rise. This isn't only a problem in the United States; it's a worldwide phenomena. Burnout at work and the desire to change jobs every day is nothing more than an attempt to live up to one's own unrealistic ideals. Boredom is the most frequent disease of the previous decade, and it is simply the human brain's way of expressing "enough" to itself.





Do you have any ideas?



If you're passionate about what you do, failure will sound like a beautiful melody. It will inspire you to keep going.

Set goals that give you "regular acknowledgment feedback of incremental success." Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that promotes motivation, curiosity, perseverance, and memory when it is released by achieving these goals."



If you genuinely want to succeed, you may re-wire your brain's expectations so that your efforts will generate improvement even as the issue grows more difficult. Now is not the time to put yourself through something you don't want to do, like dieting, climbing stadium stairs, or flossing after every meal because you feel like you should. Select a goal that you will like both on the way and at the end of the journey."



Remember that there is a silver lining to stress. It's a good idea to write down all of the things that are stressing you out when you're feeling overwhelmed. Make a list of the things you can control and the things you can't manage, and then choose one of the things you can control and come up with a tiny, tangible measure you can take to lessen that one thing. Your brain can be nudged in the right direction by doing this.

It'Is a good idea to learn how to give constructive feedback to those around you. Your husband or child will be surprised when you compliment them on their blunders. A cascade effect on your approach to failure will be the result of this change.



CCreating a Growth Machine from Failure

After putting in so much effort, it is difficult to have an optimistic outlook, especially if we fail. Changing one's view of failure is a long-term process. We need to rewire our brains in order to break the automation that has been built up in our minds. It's better to look at a broken relationship or a lacklustre performance as a chance to learn rather than dwell on the repercussions.

Learning and dealing with failure should be integrated into the education system, so that we are prepared and learn how to trigger the gamma waves in our brains from an early age. We can become more resilient and successful if we learn to respond rather than react to failure.

Next time we encounter failure, let's remember that "Leaders who have developed a development storey have befriended their worst fear, "Failure," and made them their escorts to drive their success waggon. "

Saturday, October 20, 2018

Addiction Science

Alcohol, cigarettes, and illegal narcotics are usually related with addiction. A variety of factors contribute to drug usage, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (see list below).


Having a good time: a feeling of euphoria




To feel better: to reduce tension




To be more effective, up one's game.




Curiosity




Pressure from other students




Addiction isn't limited to drugs; it also encompasses a wide range of behaviours. An example of an addicted activity is playing video games all day. With more and more studies proving that video game addiction alters brain neurochemistry in the same way as drug usage, it is no longer assumed that a person addicted to games lacks willpower.




There is an area of the limbic system in the brain that is responsible for addictive behaviours. This "feel good" neurotransmitter is released into the brain when it is active.




When compared to healthy activities like eating, drinking, reading, and listening to music, addictive substances or behaviours can release up to ten times as much dopamine, resulting in the "high" that is associated with their usage.




Repetition of the use of addictive medications activates the brain's "reward system," resulting in dependency.




Dopamine surges in the reward circuit promote pleasurable but unhealthy behaviours, encouraging people to repeat the activity again and time again. When a person becomes tolerant to a substance, their brain becomes less responsive to the dopamine rush they had when they first started using it. This is what is known as tolerance. In order to get the same "dopamine high," they may take more of the substance (National Institute on Drug Abuse).




In addition to dopamine, new research suggests that serotonin may play a role in the emergence of addiction. The neurotransmitter serotonin is responsible for making us feel happy and pleased. Addiction to drugs can be exacerbated by low serotonin levels.




Victoria University of Wellington researchers found that serotonin levels during the first time a person takes drugs can influence their likelihood of becoming addicted. The less likely someone is to become addicted, the higher their serotonin levels are. According to the findings, "the anti-addiction impact of serotonin is lowered when drug use climbs and becomes common." Dopamine appears to be a significant predictor of drug addiction throughout this phase of the brain's development.




Dopamine-altering medications have an impact on a person's motivation, motor skills, pleasure perception, and memory of significant life events. A person's ability to learn, remember, sleep, and feel emotions are all affected by medicines that influence serotonin.




An average day for a game addict can range from 10 to 14 hours of gameplay. It's safe to say that many of these individuals suffer from underlying social and psychological issues. If they're feeling down or inhibited, they're looking for a boost of confidence.




In some people, addiction worsens or triggers a mental illness such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), obsessional compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety, and depression. Addiction is more likely to strike such people.




A new "Internet Gaming Disorder" has been added to the International Classification of Diseases by the World Health Organization (WHO) (ICD-11). A "habit of persistent or recurrent gaming behaviour" that "takes precedence over other life activities" was described as the root of the problem.

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

#Metoo-psychological Women's victory over their greatest fears!

When men in high places lose their jobs due to courageous women coming forward to share their horrible experiences in public, it's easy to forget how serious the problem of sexual assault has become in today's society. Such charges or behaviours are often dismissed by many men (and even some women) as "boys will be boys."
Sexual Assault: What Is It?
The crime of sexual assault is one of the most serious and devasting types of violent crime. As time passes, the sufferer is left with a lasting traumatic scar that no amount of time can repair or erase. It's time to quit making excuses for these dishonourable (mostly male) criminals in our culture and society..

Sexual assault (and its twin, sexual abuse) is not about the abuser performing a sex act on the victim.

As a matter of fact, it's all about who has more power: the abuser or victim. In most cases, the perpetrators of these crimes are men who abuse women, and most victims are aware of their abuser. However, sexual assault is commonly defined as short-term or rare, but for the victim, these distinctions are irrelevant.

Sadly, we are seeing an increasing number of incidences of sexual assault in India.

Every fifth woman has been raped at some time in her life, according to a recent survey (and one in 71 men). That figure climbs to one in four women on college campuses (and one in seven men). Over 90% of the time, it is done by a romantic partner or a friend of the person. Women account for 91 percent of rape and sexual assault and rape victims, while men account for nine percent.



Sexual assault is on the rise.

Sex abuse can come in various forms but all of them have one thing in common: unwanted sexual activity is a part of it. The victim may be forced to watch the perpetrator engage in a sexual action on their own, or inappropriately reveal their genitals, as part of that activity. There is no shame in utilising threats, violence, or taking advantage of a victim's position to acquire what they want from sexual abusers (such as an employee).

Those who commit acts of sexual assault enjoy taking advantage of the victim's inability to defend themselves. Alcohol or drugs can be used as a means of intoxicating victims in order to ensure that they are compliant. The victim is more likely to blame themselves or themselves for taking the drugs or alcohol, which reduces the likelihood of the victim reporting the crime to the authorities (although the administration of drugs is often non-consensual).

It is common for powerful, prominent men who participate in sexual assault to assume that they are entitled to both verbally harass and sexually abuse anyone at any time. They feel that their position of power—whether it comes from riches, family background, professional role, politics, or corporate leadership—doesn't apply to regular cultural and societal norms. For these males, "I'm owed this, and you can't do anything about it—who would believe you over me?" is a recurring theme.

Why Do Some Men Abuse Women Sexually?

There are a plethora of rationales and justifications offered by those who commit these atrocities. Victims justify their acts by claiming that the other person was causing them to engage in molestation, according to Jaydip Sarkar of Singapore's Institute of Mental Health. There were five ideas used to justify their prior actions, which Sarkar refers to as "cognitive distortion," by the offenders.

They believe that women are inherently different from me and therefore cannot be comprehended. Because of this, encounters with women will be confrontational and women will be deceitful about what they actually want. An example of a Cognitive Distortion may be "...she is dressed in tight pants and her cleavage is apparent. It's clear that she wants sex, and she'll let it if I have it with her, even if she tells me "no." Sarkar (2013, p. 3)

When it comes to men's sexual desires, women are continually available, but they may not be aware of it all of the time. If a woman is physically harmed during sexual activity, it is impossible for her to be harmed by sexual activity, which means she cannot be hurt by it. I can think of an example of this: "...when she looks furtively at me when I make filthy jokes, she is truly interested in me.... As a result, when she replies "no," she's just playing a joke on me to get me even more excited. Sarkar (2013, p. 3)

When a man is excited, he can't help but proceed to orgasm, and he can't control it. This cognitive distortion may present itself in the statement: "... I would become weak if my "dhat" (semen) runs out" (premature ejaculation while molestation or sexual harassment of a woman) in India, where the syndrome of "male sexual weakness" or dhat syndrome is common. Sarkar (2013, p. 3)

Women have a responsibility to meet the sexual wants of men, and they should do so at the drop of a hat. Such Cognitive Distortions of male entitlement, especially if the victim is lower status for any reason (socioeconomic, caste, etc.) can lead to marital rape in a society like India with severe gender-based inequities (recommended to be considered a crime in the Verma Commission report). Sarkar (2013, p. 3)

A dangerous world: People need to be on guard, but there is no safe haven in this hostile and menacing environment. Some examples are: I have been wronged in many ways, and so it is not evil for me to do harm to others." Sarkar (2013, p. 3)

Trauma inflicted can last a lifetime, and it is never-ending.

Victims of criminal sexual assault often have to suffer with the effects of the trauma for the rest of their lives. As a result of the assault, 81% of women (and 35% of men) will experience PTSD, anxiety, or a major depressive disorder.

For those who have been sexually assaulted, suicidal thoughts and attempts appear to be significantly elevated; in comparison to other disorders, sexual assault was related with the highest risk for suicidality" (Dworkin et al., 2017). OCD and bipolar disorder have also been linked to sexual assault victims, according to a comprehensive review of the literature on sexual assault.

It is rare for perpetrators to think about, much less care about, how their actions affect their victims. It's virtually always in the context of feeling the victim is solely to fault for getting oneself into a scenario with the perpetrator, which is how most people interpret it.

Victims of sexual assault are typically helped by psychotherapy sessions.

Because so many sexual assault victims blame themselves (and society too often does), the healing process can take a long time. A victim's cognitive distortions are typical, yet no one would ever want this to happen to their best friend, much less themselves. When it comes to healing from sexual assault, time is an important factor, but in most cases, time alone isn't enough for most people.

Is there a reason why so many victims of sexual assault don't go to the police?

By going over the incident with law enforcement authorities multiple times, victims often feel like they have been victimised again. When it comes to dealing with sexual assault reports in a caring and sensitive manner, not all of these people have the required training.

When a victim is questioned by law enforcement, they are almost always asked questions such, "What were you wearing at the time of the assault?" and, "Have you had anything to drink?"



What Is Society's Role in Sexual Assault Perpetrator?

People should not ask victims of sexual assault, "What were you wearing?" as a way of re-victimizing them. Inquiringly, "Did you overindulge?" How did you handle it? Because of this crime, it is important to teach criminals that people's limits and rights must always be respected at all times. "Are you sure he was aware of this?"

Sexual action is not consent if the participant does not provide their permission.

Violent acts are not acceptable just because a person is in a position of authority over another person. "Oh, that's just locker-room banter," or "They were only 18, what do they know?" are common explanations for poor behaviour by offenders. Instead, society and family members should emphasise the importance of dignity, respect, and morality, rather than making excuses for bad behaviour by perpetrators. Women aren't here to be oppressed or exploited in any way.

Helping Others & Getting Help

It is imperative that you get help if you are a sexual assault perpetrator right away. For the people you've hurt, your dysfunctional behaviour is likely to have caused them lasting harm that they will never be able to recover from. Therapists that specialise in working with sexual assault perpetrators can be found across the country. Proactively contacting someone today is a sign of strength.

If someone tells you that they've been the victim of a sexual assault, please listen to them without making assumptions about their situation. Offer unreserved emotional support and be a good listener. Then, if necessary, offer to assist them in obtaining the resources they need to get back on their feet. If they don't want to talk about the assault, then don't bring it up. Be supportive, but don't nag or indicate there is only one "correct" way to respond to the assault.



If you've been a victim, don't forget that assistance is available. Remember that sexual assault is not your fault if you have been a victim. Even if your own family or certain people in your life don't believe you, professionals and friends will.

Please, don't wait any longer to seek assistance.
References
1.     Dworkin, ER, Menon, SV, Bystrynski, J, Allen, NE. (2017). Sexual assault victimization and psychopathology: A review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 56, 65-81.
2.     Davis, KC, Neilson, EC, Wegner, R, Danube, CL. (2018). The intersection of men’s sexual violence perpetration and sexual risk behavior: A literature review. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 40, 83-90.
4.      Malamuth, N. M., & Brown, L. M. (1994). Sexually aggressive men's perceptions of women's communications: Testing three explanations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67(4), 699-712. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.67.4.699
5.      Sarkar, J. (2013). Mental health assessment of rape offenders. Indian Journal of Psychiatry55(3), 235–243. http://doi.org/10.4103/0019-5545.117137




Thursday, October 11, 2018

Unhappy People: The Things They Do to us and How to Deal with Them

We have all had come across an unhappy individual at some point in our lives who have stung us with their negative thoughts. Sometimes it simply creates havoc in our lives. Unsatisfied people are drawn to the sensible ones and I am sure every one of us has likely had (or have) at least one irritating person in our lives who have forced us into changing ourselves in endless attempts to please them – only to realize that it is an endless circle.
What makes them so toxic? Their past experiences, their judgmental attitude, their negative approach or simply their sadist nature. It is seen that most of these people are suffering from some psychological disorder which is undiagnosed and we are trying to understand them. It becomes all the more important to identify these individual so we can deal with them more maturely and not get driven into self-guilt.
Their strengths lie in their subtlety and the way they can make you believe so cunningly for every fault, ‘It’s not them, it’s me.’ They can make you question your ‘over-reactiveness’, your ‘oversensitivity’, your ‘tendency to misinterpret’. If in a relationship you’re the one who’s continually hurt or the one who is constantly changing your own behavior to avoid being hurt, then the probabilities are more than the problem is not you and it is not much you can do except not get drawn into the toxicities.
Like I said being able to pick up their harmful behavior is the first step to blunting their impact. You may not be able to change what they do, but you can surely change what you do with it, deal with that unhappy sulking individual and stop them from ruining away your mental peace and get away with it.
There are a number of things these people do to manipulate others and situations to their advantage. Here are 12 of them. Knowing them will alert you to avoid falling under the influence:
1.      They will love to keep you in a fix about what they really are.
They’ll be nice one day and the next day you’ll be actually guessing what you’ve done to upset them. Most of the time, there wouldn’t be anything obvious that could explain the change of attitude – you will get the gut feeling that something isn’t right. They might be irritable, unhappy, cold or cranky and when you ask them, if there’s something wrong, the answer will always be ‘nothing’ – but they’ll hint you just enough to make you realize that there’s something. The ‘just enough’ might either be a heaving sigh, a raised eyebrow, a cold shoulder. The moment this happens, you will find yourself making excuses for them or doing everything you can to please them. See why it works for them?
Stop trying to make them happy. Unhappy people have figured out a long time ago that most people will go out of their ways to keep the people, they care about happy. If your repeated attempts to please aren’t working or aren’t lasting for very long, maybe it’s time to stop. Leave it for a while and come back when the mood has shifted. You are not responsible for anybody else’s feelings. If you have unknowingly hurt someone, ask them, talk about it and if required, apologize. Under any circumstances, you shouldn’t have to guess and be gullible to this traumatizing experience.

    They’ll make you prove yourself to them.
They’ll regularly put you in a position where you have to choose between them and something else – and you’ll always feel obliged to choose them. At times just out of sympathy. Unhappy people will wait until you have committed, then they’ll unfold the drama.  ‘If you really cared about me you’d skip your exercise class and spend time with me.’  The problem with this is that enough will never be enough. Few things are fatal – unless it’s life or death, chances are it can wait.

 They love to manipulate.
If you have felt as though you’re the only one contributing to the relationship, you’re probably right. Unhappy people have a way of sending out the vibe/the signals that you owe them something. They also have strange ways to manipulate that you are responsible and you need to change even if the fault lies in them. This is very common in workplaces or relationships where the balance of power is an ever-changing phenomenon.. ‘I’ve left those reports for you’. I thought you’d appreciate the gesture and make use of the opportunity to learn your way around making the report. Remember it is a favor and I had to learn the hard way’ Or, ‘I’m having a get to gather tonight. Why don’t you bring dinner? For 10 people. It’ll give you an opportunity to show of favor cooking skills and make new contacts?’
Remember! You don’t owe anybody anything. If it doesn’t feel like a favor to you, then probably it’s not. 

They will never own their feelings.
Instead of owning up and speaking up about their own feelings, they’ll act as though the feelings are yours. It’s called dumping, as in dumping their feelings and thoughts onto you. For instance, someone who is irritated but won’t take responsibility for it might accuse you of being irritated with them. It might be as subtle as, ‘Are you okay with me around or Am I irritating you?’ or a bit more specific, ‘Why are you irritated me,’ or, ‘You’ve been in a foul mood all day.’
You’ll find yourself justifying and defending and often this will go around in circles – because it’s not about you. Bring clarity to your mind. What’s yours and what’s theirs. When you start feeling that you’re defending yourself too many times against lame accusations or questions that don’t fit, you might be being dumped on to.
Remember, You don’t have to explain, justify or defend yourself or deal with a misfired accusation.
They hate to and will never apologize. 
They’ll lie before they ever apologize, so there’s no point arguing. They’ll twist the story, change the way it happened and reframe it so convincingly that they’ll believe their own version.
People don’t have to apologize to be proven wrong. And you don’t need an apology to move forward. Just let go and move forward – without them. Never surrender your truth but don’t keep the argument going. There’s just no point. Some people want to be right more than they want to be happy and you have better things to do than to provide fodder for the right-fighters.
They’ll be there in a crisis but they’ll never ever share your joy.
They’ll find reasons your good news isn’t great news. The classics: About a promotion – ‘The money isn’t that great for the amount of hard work you’ll be doing.’ About a holiday at the beach – ‘Well it’s going to be very hot. Are you sure you want to go?’ About being made the best worker– ‘Well the Company is just trying to please you and I’m pretty sure they will exploit you.’ Get the idea? Don’t let them dampen your spirit or shrink you down to their size. You don’t need their approval anyway – or anyone else’s for that matter.
 They’ll leave a conversation unfinished – and then they’ll go offline or simply disappear.
They won’t pick up your call. They won’t answer texts or emails. And in between rounds of their voicemail message, you might find yourself playing the conversation or argument over and over in your head, guessing about the status of the relationship, wondering what you’ve done to upset them, or whether they’re dead, alive or just ignoring you – which can sometimes all feel the same.
Remember People who care about you won’t let you go on feeling rubbish without attempting to sort it out. That doesn’t mean you’ll sort it out of course, but at least they’ll try. Take it as a sign of their investment in the relationship if they leave you ‘out there’ for lengthy sessions.
8. They’ll use sweet words with a toxic tone.
The message might be innocent enough but the tone conveys so much more. Something like, ‘What did you do today?’ can mean different things depending on the way it’s said. It could mean anything from ‘So I bet you did nothing – as usual,’ to ‘I’m sure your day was better than mine. Mine was awful. Just awful. And you didn’t even notice enough to ask.’ When you question the tone, they’ll come back with, ‘All I said was what did you do today,’ which is true, kind of, not really.
They’ll bring unnecessary details into a conversation.
When you’re trying to resolve something important to you, unhappy people will bring in irrelevant detail from five arguments ago. The problem with this is that before you know it, you’re arguing about something you did six months ago, still defending yourself, rather than dealing with the issue at hand. Somehow, it just always seems to end up about what you’ve done to them. 
 They’ll point out the way you’re talking, rather than what you’re talking about.
You might be trying to resolve an issue or get clarification and before you know it, the conversation/ argument has moved away from the issue that was important to you and on to the manner in which you talked about it – whether there is any issue with your manner or not. You’ll find yourself defending your tone, your gestures, your choice of words or the way you belly moves when you breathe – it doesn’t even need to make sense. Meanwhile, your initial need is well gone on the pile of unfinished conversations that seems to grow bigger by the day.

Unhappy people exaggerate.
‘You always …’ ‘you never …’ It’s hard to defend yourself against this form of manipulation. Toxic people have a way of drawing on the one time you didn’t or the one time you did as evidence of your shortcomings. Don’t buy into the argument. You won’t win. And you don’t need to.
Unhappy people are judgemental.
We all get it wrong sometimes but unhappy people will make sure you know about it. They’ll judge you and take a swipe at your self-esteem suggesting that you’re inferior because you erred. We’re all allowed to get it wrong at many occasions in our day to day life, but until we’ve done something that harms them or affects them nobody has the right to stand in judgment.
Knowing the favorite signs for unhappy people will sharpen your radar, making the manipulations easier to spot and easier to name. More importantly, if you know the characteristic signs of the individual, you’ll have a better chance of catching yourself before you tie yourself in double knots trying to please them.
You need to lock it in your mind, some people can’t be pleased and they won’t be good for you – and many times that will have nothing to do with you. You can always say no to unnecessary craziness. Believe in yourself . Be confident and own up your mess, your bluffs and the things that make you shine. You don’t need anyone’s certificate but remember if someone is working hard to manipulate, it’s because probably because they need your approval. You don’t always have to give it but if you do, don’t let the cost be too high and get driven into it. If you are the unhappy dude, it’s time to realize these things don’t get you anywhere. They simply make yours and others life miserable. Happiness increase with sharing and so does unhappiness


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